This is a testimony of a law that many people (men and women) struggle with due to incomplete teaching and erroneous religious indoctrination. It may be tempting to dismiss it as a small matter. But if you take hold of the legal principles of love, life, and relationship contained in this writing, you will be equipped with unshakeable faith and confidence in the heat of a battle and in the midst of a storm.
It all began with a purchase for our son. As our children grow older, parents often rely on the children to keep the other parent informed. You probably know that relying on children to relay information is a recipe for interpersonal communication break down. Well, that's exactly what happened in our family recently, but it was also packaged with a powerful legal insight.
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Unplanned Purchase
Spring had arrived. Being a child of Miami sunshine, I grew eager to leave the house. It's sunny outside!!!
And during our travels, Kiddo mentioned that he needed some t-shirts. Dad didn't know exactly what size to get, so they did not buy them yesterday. For me, this was a super easy fix. I'm usually the one who purchases clothing for our child. So, of course, this purchase was no big deal. But what I din't know was that Dad had already committed to making this particular purchase himself, and he did not want me to worry about the expense.
Kiddo and I were already in a plaza that had a clothing store. He spotted two shirts he really liked. I purchased them.
Course of Conduct & Unexpected Fallout
In our house, my husband and I typically share the expense 50/50. So I transferred $18.50 from hubby's account. Then I gave him a call to explain what the transfer was for. And the last thing I expected was a confrontation.
I was taken aback. Given our customary practices--what the law refers to as "course of conduct"--there was no reason I had to expect something to go totally wrong. But it did.
Practice What You Teach?
A few weeks prior to this surprising setback, I had been teaching and coaching families on principles of relationship justice. In other words, when you are treated wrongly--especially by someone who has authority over you--then you access justice by refraining from evil speech (rebellion) against that authority.
And as a wife who is submitted not only to the authority of Biblical law, but to my husband's authority as king and priest of my home, I had a legal issue that just popped up when my husband responded to me in a way that hurt my feelings. Let me elaborate.
The books of 1st and 2nd Peter are legal treatises on universal, that is, created governmental systems of authority. Here is an illustration of it in a home school teaching with my son. What resulted from my studies and personal reflections was the personal self-awareness that I had been going about things all wrong whenever my husband offended me (intentionally or unintended).
I would call a friend and tell them what happened.
I would rehash the event with my life coach.
I would go on a rant with another wife and swap notes on the terribleness of husbands and their lack of empathy.
Wrong. Wrong. WRONG.
Of course, you can do what you want to do -- you are grown. I'm not here to brow beat anybody with doctrines, checklists, or traditions. I'm teaching law. So when I read the scripture closely, I understood that my WORDS and ATTITUDE are the prerequisite to obtaining the justice and fairness we all desire in relationships. This is of particular importance when we evaluate the wrongs done to us by a person who holds authority over us and the duty to provide for our peace and prosperity.
And now, in the matter of Eighteen Dollars and Fifteen Cents, I had been aggrieved by my husband's response to my good faith efforts.
I was stunned. And low key, I wanted to clap back.
But I didn't.
I calmly dropped the call with my husband and examined my emotions and thoughts. What did I do wrong? I was convinced that I moved with respect and dignity towards my husband. So this was going to have to be a matter for The Most High to take up on my behalf.
I examined my inner dialogue. At first, I wanted to launch into an accusation campaign in prayer, "Father, you SAW what happened between us...avenge me my enemy!"
But in light of this new awareness--the connection between justice, authority and rebellion--I silenced my soul. Instead, uncomfortable and distraught, I prayed, "Thank you, Father for not only teaching me your heart and your law, but for testing me this day. Thank you for giving me the peace to be still while I hold on to your strength to pass this test."
And then I left it alone.
I did not write about it in my journal.
I did not call my sister-friends.
I did not vlog about the details.
I went to bed with a different type of confidence that it would all be sorted out on my behalf.
The Power of Silent Influence
If you know anything about me, then you know that I ALWAYS have an opinion. I'm head strong, stubborn, and have no problem crying "foul" when you mistreat me. So when I held my peace--verbally and internally--this exercise required a restraint I did not know I could even possess. I called my husband the next morning. Immediately, I was pleasantly delighted (not surprised) at his change of position, tone and demeanor. Not only did he completely change his position on the matter. He also expressed some reflections on his own self awareness and commitment to be more gentle towards me.
And all I had to do was not say a word.
The Mystical Mayonnaise of Flawed Religious Training
I'm sorry for you Miracle Whip folk, but hate mayo. And that's how I feel about the mishandling of the Bible as a tool of domination rather than the legal precedence it truly represents. This results in "spookiness," mystical beliefs that are more related to fairy tales than to the king, kingdom and nation the Bible teaches us about. Learning about the King, His kingdom, and the culture provides a sound foundation that not only dictates behavior, but reveals the spiritual laws that are always in operation in our lives. Understanding this, people of faith can live more intentionally and confidently in know the reasons for the culture, and ultimately, the justice promised to all of creation.
In 1 Peter 3:1, wives were given a legal principle. Unfortunately, patriarchal systems of religious hypocrisy and lawlessness have fashioned this teaching into a self-serving commandment to silence their wives without having accountability for their own behavior towards their wives. But when you read the entire book, its governmental structure and law of creation, you discover the reason for this teaching. Whenever a husband dishonors his wife, is unloving or unkind towards her, he loses connection with the Father. See, 1 Peter 3:7.
But do we really trust the King?
Husbands are not given unrestrained, unchecked power over their wives. Rather, husbands are held to a higher responsibility towards their wives, which literally leaves them without peace until they have made amends and restored honor to their wives. [For additional context on why this is a spiritual curse to husbands, and no small matter in the eyes of The Most High, see, Ecclesiasticus Chapter 3, which defines this consequence as a curse.]
So that night when I tested this law, it was over $18.50. And in less than 18 hours, my Heavenly Father confirmed His law so that I can live confidently and safely in His care.
The Most High does not play about His daughters.
The problem is, however, is that we as wives are not always confidently assured in this reality.
I really did not like being confronted with the legal implications of the way I used to handle conflict with my husband when I was convinced of his wrongness and my rightness. I was completely thrown for a loop that the curse of rebellion attached to my obstinance and power struggles in an attempt to "make" him behave correctly towards me. I wanted to throw my Bible out of a window when I was confronted with a principle of relationship law that works through my silence, rather than my big mouth and words of fury.
And that is the reason I am being vocal with other wives, women who want to do the right thing, but have not been taught the whole story.
I don't have to threaten my husband with the scriptures. I don't have to demand that he practice what he preaches. I don't have to scold him for not being my idea of a "real man" or a "godly man."
Diving Justice is a System of Automation
The law automatically provides the consequences (legal remedy) concerning how people in authority have to balance their power with duty to provide for the peace and prosperity of those who they SERVE as an authority.
We all enter the earth as children for the purpose of learning honor for authority. But somehow, everything has been turned on its head. Children can argue with their parents. Wives can publicly shame and humiliate their husbands. Men can rebel against their governments. Yet, the peace and prosperity we all long for is encoded in this governmental structure of things. So when we run to the throne of justice, having our hands smeared with the dirt of rebellion, we deprive the King of judging the person in authority that has wronged us.
I never allowed ANY of my legal clients to go into a trial without first addressing and taking ownership for their stuff. It is better for you to go before a judge being totally honest about your wrongdoing than to let the other side accuse you first. And, unfortunately, many believers lack awareness of the King's authority in law, His laws, and principles of relationship law that operate automatically within all of creation.
The Most High, King of the Highest Court, is simply waiting for us to get out of the way of His justice.
And that is the encrypted instruction and warning contained in this reflection as originally taught by Peter. From one wife to someone else's husband, father, employer, or even governmental official, I implore you that each person will account for our acts and omissions according to the Created order and perfect law of love. Authority is always coupled with duty to those whom you serve. There is a duty to honor the dignity of all creatures, and even more, the humanity of those in relationship with you over whom you exercise authority.
But if you are a wife, I comfort you with this testimony. We are more powerful than we know, and are beneficiaries of a greater protective force than we have ever dared to imagine. Be assured, in divine confidence, that you cannot lose when you trust the process of divine justice. You simply can't lose. Weeping may endure for one night. But I promise you, according to the word of promise that cannot fail--joy comes in the morning.
Just remember: $18.50.
Be blessed and encouraged,
Judge Char
In the pivotal blog post, the author recounts a significant career transformation from a divorce attorney to a marriage mediator, driven by an intrinsic commitment to empathy and compassion. Initially serving as a divorce attorney, the author aimed to minimize conflict and expenses for clients, yet found greater fulfillment in the realm of marriage mediation. This shift was inspired by a realization that guiding couples to mediate their differences before reaching a breaking point often restored communication and saved marriages that seemed beyond repair.
The blog emphasizes the inefficiencies in traditional divorce proceedings, highlighting the contrasting successes of resolving disputes through early mediation. The author shares firsthand experiences of numerous couples who, by utilizing mediation techniques prior to divorce, managed to rebuild communication and reconnect emotionally, transforming their relationships. This insight underscores the value of mediation not just as a tool for managing divorce, but as a preventative measure to strengthen and salvage marriages.
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