Are you energized at work, and exhausted at home? Do you feel more valued and appreciated for putting out fires at the office? Swooping in to save the critical deadline? Leading your team to crushing your quarterly goals?
Yet somehow, at home you feel unappreciated, overlooked, and taken for granted?
If this sounds like you, then you may be coping with the lack of intimate connection by driving yourself too hard—performing for love and acceptance at the expense of your deepest desires.
Insatiable drive for “winning”
I realized this was a shared challenged I had with another very prominent career woman. We were both struggling in our marriages. But at work, we dominated in our space. This was a very sacred connection because who do you talk to about the embarrassment of private failure? We were both over-performing at work. And the more we were driven for value and acceptance in the public, the more it hurt our bottom line at home.
How many lawyers enjoy legal fiction?
I do not usually enjoy legal fiction. They are often too unrealistic based on the realities I know as a practitioner. But I love John Grisham! His storytelling is always captivating. My husband and I are currently reading one of his latest works, The Widow. His rendition of the main character's life is so realistic, I just wanted to share a few thoughts about it.
We meet Simon Latch, a small town lawyer whose life is a routine wreck. His legal practice is not quite his dream come true. And now, he and his wife faces the excruciating task of explaining the harsh reality of their relationship to their children.
What is a bully made of? Did the childhood bullies suddenly grow up when they reached adulthood? Or are they newly manifested as aggressive attorneys, demeaning supervisors, or even as cold and disengaged physicians?
I randomly mentioned being beaten with an extension cord when I was thirteen years old. My husband interjected, “You were hit with an extension cord?”
“Yes,” I replied, “That would leave bruising for a few days.”
“That was child abuse,” he remarked.
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Does it feel like remaining married is like a prison sentence? But the only reason you stay is because you fear spending 6-figures or more to legally exit? Or are you so emotionally spent from being unhappy, you fantasize daily about your prison break, even if it costs your kids’ inheritance?
The reality is that it is easier for lawyers to file lawsuits and charge you for the fallout. The reason why I changed my practice model, however, is because my heart broke for the future expense borne by the children.
And it doesn’t make a difference if you wait until they graduate high school.
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Are you a busy working mom who feels like you are sacrificing yourself for your children, job and marriage? Do you find yourself entering sleep from a place of being spent—totally exhausted with nothing left to offer anyone? Are you infuriated when your husband approaches you for sex, oblivious that your only desire is for rest?
I have met many women in this season of life. And do you know what I discovered they had in common 9 out of 10 times?
The did not have LIFE community.
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