God created us as masterpieces and uniquely, just as artists create beautiful pieces of pottery. We should take care of ourselves in the same way that we take care of a fragile piece of pottery, so it does not break. We have a master potter who made us, God created us. God is the potter, you are the clay. You are a precious work of God's art. We are made to take action.
Jesus has overcome the world, so we don't have to count ourselves out. We don't have to stay in a bunch of pieces because of circumstances, unkind words, abuse, or tragedy. Ideally, we can find a way to navigate those things. We can put the pieces back together through healing words, positive actions, or trauma therapy.
We can still be vessels used for God's purpose. Our hurt can help someone else when they go through something similar. We can "glue up the pieces" and take them to God, and let Him glue the broken pieces. Don't let the awful things take you out.
We can do this through self-compassion. Self-compassion is where we look at ourselves with a compassionate awareness that we are not perfect and don't have to be perfect. We can have reasonable expectations. Just because we have intense feelings and they don't feel so good doesn't mean we are a loser.
Matthew 22:37-39 says, "Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Self-compassion means being kind to yourself, patient with others, caring for yourself, and not keeping record of wrongs. You could say, "That didn't go as planned, but with God's help, I can learn and try again." Another way to have self-compassion is meeting your physical and emotional needs. Get rest when you need it and allow yourself to meet your human needs so that you have the capacity to go out and shine and be all that you can be. Tell yourself the truth and anchor your thoughts in the truth.
Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Be kind, loving, and patient with yourself in your words, thoughts, and self-care. When we love ourselves well, we can love others well.
Have you ever been on a boat when the water suddenly got choppy? Although nothing has changed about the boat itself, it's still sturdy. The boat is still strong and designed to float. But you start to doubt that you will be safe. Life is a lot like this scenario. Stress, trauma, or conflict can feel like the waves that rock our boat. The rocking can sometimes feel exciting but sometimes it can feel like we might capsize.
Having the internal ability to steady ourselves is really helpful.
You don't need validation from others or to people please in order to know you're okay. You simply need compassion and comfort to start the healing steps. God is the ultimate healer and regulates us when we come to Him. But God designed us to learn how to self regulate.
Tip #1 - Notice and Name What You Feel
I am feeling anxious. I am feeling scared. Then step back and observe...what do you need? I need to be soothed. I need to know that I am safe. I need to rest. I need to take a walk. I need to care for myself.
If you aren't able to name your feelings, think about how you would calm a child if they were feeling the same way that you are. What would you say to the child? It's going to be okay. God is with you.
This helps your body relax and self-regulate.
Tip #2 - Prefrontal Cortex
When you feel like you're in survival mode - fight or flight, you may need to bring more of your logic brain. Identify things that you see and their color. I see an orange pumpkin and yellow sunflowers. This gets you more into logical thoughts.
Breathe in to the top of your breath, hold it, and right after you hold it, take another gulp of air until you think you can't take in anymore air and hold it for a couple seconds, then release it all slowly and repeat 4 times.
If something that's supposed to help you is actually too scary to do, it's probably a good time to reach out for some extra assistance.
Tip #3 - Notice What You're Saying to Yourself
You might hear - "I can't" or "I'll never be safe" or "I'm always going to mess up" and those thoughts are lies that keep you from the present moment. Reframe these lies to be truths.
"I can do all things through him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." - Philippians 4:8
When you can catch a negative thought and replace it with truth, you are literally rewiring your brain.
Tip #4 - When your have Flashbacks or Triggers, and Feel Overwhelmed
Flashbacks are emotional flooding and you feel like you did when that event took place.
Create immediate safety and ground yourself in the truth. Realize in the present moment that you are safe. Find someone that you trust to sit with.
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." - Hebrews 10: 24-25
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalms 34:18
Remember, Christ is our foundation.
