Your Mindset About Family Court
What you think becomes your reality, your thoughts are the foundation for everything you feel, everything you live, etc. We all know that Family Court can wreak havoc on every aspect of life, so no surprise that it kills any positive thoughts you might have once had. But here’s the thing, it’s cyclical, meaning your thoughts keep you in that chaotic space even though it’s that space that brought on those thoughts. So what do you do? You CHOOSE to replace those negative thoughts with more positive ones.
Every time you receive a toxic text, each time you have to drop your child off and there’s a lot of emotions, whenever you go to court you get overwrought with anxiety…these are definitely instances where having positive thoughts takes a back seat. (If even a seat at all.) But if you start to tell yourself a different story about your situation or your circumstances, your mind starts to believe your story. Once your mind starts to believe your new story, the thoughts start to match up. Once your thoughts start to match up, your circumstances or your reality start to change too.
Start off small though. Start with something like how you will “receive” the toxic texts when they come through. Instead of cringing when you hear the “ding” or when you see “toxic ex” (if that’s the contact name you gave them) talk yourself through it. Say “I can handle this”, or “this is not that bad”, or “I choose to receive this positively” or something…you get the idea. Just do it!
Your Actions In Family Court
I cannot stress enough the importance of strategy in Family Court. But strategy is not complete if you don’t have a plan to execute it as well. This is what is referred to as “tactics”. Tactics are the specific actions you take to reach your goals. Not just any actions though, the actions need to be given considerable thought if you want them to get you closer to your goals.
Strategy is knowing what to do, but it’s also knowing when not to anything. This is because not every action that is available has any real impact on your end goal. This is the mistake Family Court litigants make way too often. They think they’re supposed to try everything available to them and see what sticks. I get it, when people get desperate they do almost anything. The problem is, this can create more problems than it solves.
So I suggest you start with establishing your goals. Know exactly what you want, i.e. sole legal or sole physical or both and come up with a plan of how you’re going to achieve this. But, but…you absolutely need to find out if what you want is even allowed (or lawful) in your court jurisdiction. Because if you set goals for sole physical custody, for instance, in a state that has shared custody laws then you might want to adjust your goals. You want to set goals that are attainable.
Once you have a specific goal or goals in mind, then you need to break down, in steps, how you plan on achieving them. Take the necessary actions to get the desired outcome, but keep in mind that there will be roadblocks at almost every step of the way. Between the other party’s agenda, the court system being dysfunctional and the key players being biased, incompetent and/or corrupt, the obstacles you’re likely to face are plentiful. Ignoring these as you take action is self-destructive behavior.
Put it All Together for Success in Family Court
Family Court is a combination of different disciplines, philosophies, etc., which makes it a complex environment to succeed at. But it can, and has been, done as long as you stay on track. Family Court is not just about the law, which only constitutes a small fraction of your case, it’s about life. Yes, every aspect of your life (and your being) is impacted by the Family Court experiece.
This is why strategy is key. Strategy requires that you do several things: assessing your strengths, your weaknesses,the threats posed, and the opportunities available and putting them all together to come up with a plan that you can actually put into action. This isn’t simply about having resources but about thinking critically. It's plotting—meticulous and calculated planning.
Next, it’s knowing that being organized can’t be optional. Create a prioritized plan, and then make a backup—because, let's face it, life loves throwing curveballs, especially in family court. Consider the 'best interest of the child' factors critically, and always maximize your time and arguments in court.
You also need to always be on the prowl for information and answers. If you’re always questions, you should always be looking for answers. Go further and question those answers too. Be curious, be inquisitive, be insistent.
Then you need to be creative. Use the information you find and use it to your advantage. Whether it’s to bargain with, to seek further information, to support your case in court..whatever it is, there’s a use for most if not all of it.
Flexibility is also important—I can't emphasize that enough. Don’t get so hung up on your expectations that you miss out on the opportunity to accomplish your goal in a different way. The “why” behind your goal should prevail. So if the goal looks different than you had imagined, but it serves the same purpose (intention) then mission accomplished…right?
Once you’ve gotten this all down, it’s time to brainstorm. Put all of the pieces together to figure out where everything goes in your gameplan. Everything might not have a spot at the moment, but Family Court is fluid, things change by the second. Then it’s time to plot. Plotting is decision-making based on your current situation while anticipating the other party's next move, then moving preemptively. Your moves should be made based on what you think they will do to deter you, address those anticipated moves in advance.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, revisit your gameplan often to see if any adjustments need to be made. Do this is as much as you need to.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to succumb to the pervasive belief that no one “wins” in Family Court. If you manage to get through the process and maintain your sanity you are in fact winning.
Family Court can be traumatic! And trying to handle your case on your own can be even more catastrophic. There are twists & turns at every stage that you need to be aware of and to prepare for. Having a solid Gameplan and someone to help you execute it effectively can make all the difference in the Universe (not just the world.) We know all about the bias, corruption, and dysfunction being handed out by the system. We just want you to have a fighting chance by leveling the playing field.
Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?
We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.
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