Long coming out on many levels post:

Long coming out on many levels post: 

My life truly is stranger than fiction these days. I often wonder, like Queen in Bohemian Rhapsody, is this real or is it fantasy? There is no escape from my reality this time because I don’t want to spiritually nor intellectually bypass and suppress pain, ugly truth, lies, shame, guilt, anger, grief, traumas past or present, nor any of the other emotions and things that have been suppressed in the past because of society and family conditioning that has given the colonizers messaging well that certain emotions are bad. If you aren’t always love and light unicorns, mermaids, and rainbows with a smile on your face no matter what, and everything isn’t going well in your life, then something is wrong with you, you’ve done something wrong either in this lifetime or a previous lifetime (if belief in reincarnation), you are less blessed, you’re living sinfully, and you’re less the divinely created spiritual being having fleshly experience in this time and space. The truth is we are all capable of creating both great joys and pains for ourselves and others in this world. Isho.

Isho is the name I now use instead of Jesus because it was his true name in the Palestinian Galilean Aramaic language he spoke. Like Kunta Kinte in Roots, whose identity and cultural strength were stripped by being renamed Toby, I believe calling Isho “Jesus” does the same. Jesus is the name imposed in the language of the oppressors of his time—those who sought to strip him of his radical teachings, cultural identity, and the revolutionary power of his true name. By using Isho, I honor the Divine Human Being who taught liberation and love, unburdened by the distortions of colonization.

The name Isho carries profound meaning. It signifies both Divine and what we call human today, though the concept of “human” as we understand it did not exist during his lifetime. The word human—derived from the Latin humanus, rooted in the Indo-European dhghem- (meaning “earthly” or “of the earth”)—did not emerge in its modern form until around the 13th century CE. In Isho’s time, people were often identified by their community, ethnicity, or spiritual essence rather than a universal concept of “humanity.” In Aramaic, the term barnasha (literally “child of humanity”) was used, emphasizing interconnectedness and the shared essence of people rather than individualistic or hierarchical identities.

By reclaiming his true name, we also reclaim his teachings in their authentic cultural and spiritual context. Isho’s life exemplified the unity of the Divine and the earthly—what today we might call the sacred and the human—though for him and those of his time, these distinctions were not so rigidly drawn. He embodied what it meant to be both fully connected to the Divine Source and deeply present in the world of flesh and spirit. His teachings were not abstract or distant but practical and revolutionary: love as the greatest commandment, the Kingdom of Heaven within, and the call to embody Divine Love and Justice here and now.

Isho declared, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.” This teaching, central to his ministry, underscores that Divine Love is the foundation of all existence. When Isho spoke of the Kingdom of Heaven, he did not point to a distant paradise but to the reality within each of us. “The Kingdom of Heaven is within you,” he said, calling us to uncover the Divine Spark buried beneath layers of fear, pain, and illusion.

This concept aligns with the teachings of Vedic Science, which describe the unity of Atman (the soul) and Brahman (the cosmic source). It resonates with Igbo Nri culture, where the “ọdịnala” emphasizes living in harmony with the Chi (individual spiritual essence) and Ala (Earth). Similarly, the Yoruba concept of Aṣẹ—the power to create change and align with one’s destiny—mirrors Isho’s call to manifest the Kingdom of Heaven through love, justice, and divine action. Indigenous peoples worldwide, from the San of Southern Africa to the Gullah Geechee of the American South, hold spiritual traditions that honor the sacred balance between humanity and creation, acknowledging the Divine presence in all things.

The Maroons of Jamaica and Rastafarians embody this wisdom in their resistance to systems of oppression, emphasizing liberation and unity with the Earth and the Spirit. Rastafarians, in particular, see the Divine within, referring to themselves as temples of Jah, much like Isho’s affirmation of the Kingdom within. Even mitochondrial Eve, the genetic mother of all humanity, reminds us that we are one family, connected through the Divine Mother, the Earth, and the cosmos.

But we live in a world where this truth is buried beneath layers of domination and binary thinking. Jean-Paul Sartre famously said, “Hell is other people,” and while this may resonate with our experiences of harm, Isho’s teachings remind us that the Kingdom of Heaven or the depths of hell can also be within ourselves. When we suppress our pain, bury our traumas, and disconnect from our true selves, we create personal hells that ripple outward. These internal struggles manifest as physical and mental illnesses, unprocessed grief, anger, or fear that seep into our lives and others’, creating micro-hells in relationships, families, and communities. Left unchecked, these cycles erupt into greater violence and atrocities, sustaining the large-scale Hell we see in systems of oppression and domination today.

This Hell is not Divine judgment but a man-made creation fueled by binaries—rich and poor, male and female, white and non-white, abled and disabled—that uphold caste systems designed to benefit a few at the expense of the many. Children, born with their Divine Sparks intact, are either nurtured in environments of love and liberation or shaped by trauma, neglect, and oppressive systems that extinguish their light. It is deeply unjust for any child to inherit these conditions, whether through family struggles, societal inequities, or inherited traumas passed down through generations.

Colonial ideologies have further distorted what is sacred, labeling indigenous and ancestral practices as evil while elevating oppressive norms as “of God.” This separation from the Divine—within ourselves and in all creation—has left humanity in a fractured state. Healing alone cannot address this; the word “heal” implies returning to a prior state, but what is required is harmony—a state of dynamic balance that aligns us with the truth of who we are and our interconnectedness with all creation.

Until we bring out the Kingdom of Heaven within, we remain trapped in this sick cycle. Only by facing the real pain of our lives and the systems around us, not bypassing it with false positivity, can we begin to harmonize with the Divine and each other. We are not meant to suppress or ignore what hurts but to transmute it through love, truth, and sacred action. This is the work of Divine Liberation—to awaken the Kingdom within and create a world where all can experience Heaven on Earth.

Isho’s life and teachings continue to guide this journey, showing us that true liberation comes not through domination but through love, humility, and harmony with the Divine. Only then can we end the cycles of suffering and restore the balance we were always meant to live in.

I may be grieving being estranged from both of my parents by choice now due to factors both known and long overdue for a variety of reasons and those reasons with my mother that I never could’ve imagined and still unraveling, but I honestly can say that my overall wellbeing and my youngest kids wellbeing are so much better because I’m living more authentically, facing my own unhealthy shit that unfortunately neither of my parents did when raising me post their divorce and that affected little Leslie in ways I’m just now understanding as suppressed memories, lies, and manipulations bubble up to the surface the less and less I suppress, mask, ignore, and feel shame about my own unhealthy behaviors and actions caused by both personal and integenerational traumas left unaddressed for far too long. I love both of my parents dearly and appreciate the good things from my childhood and adulthood that came from them and experienced with them. But there are a lot of things that beneath the surface and facade were things I experienced as a child then adult that I hid, such as never being a priority for one parent and told that as a child that an adult came first and then things I didn’t know were being done to me and others by the one person I used to trust more than anyone else, including when younger trusted more than myself. I am only now starting to realize where the since childhood years of internalized self-hatred, shame, insecurities, people pleasing, lying and abandoning self and others when younger to hide what I thought was wrong about me, and so much more started that includes both the effects of family and societal messages that made it clear that my truest self, Black descendant of enslaved Alkebulans born and raised in the Deep South as part of the first generation of full integration post Jim Crow, global feeling deep within, queer in multiple ways including now having words to describe how I have always felt inside but couldn’t explain and those who most closely resonated outwardly with how I felt were either a source of comic relief or targets of hate and disgust and called sick and/or evil, including family. 

From the ashes of my past, the Sanandawa has risen.

The Sanandawa is not just a way of living but a remembering—a sacred system rooted in Divine Love, Harmony, and the interconnectedness of all creation. It is an offering, a path of liberation, and a return to our most authentic and harmonious selves. The name Sanandawa reflects this mission: “Sanan” meaning harmony and healing, not just in the sense of repairing what is broken but aligning with what is already whole and Divine; “dawa” meaning medicine, a sacred reminder that the tools for liberation and healing have always existed within us and in the natural world.

Sanandawa reflects the truth I’ve always felt deep inside but struggled to articulate in words or fully embody in the world. Growing up, the people and things that most resonated with my spirit—those unboxable and unapologetically different—were often reduced to comic relief, dismissed as deviant, or targeted as sources of disgust and shame. Even within my family, I was seen as “other.” I now know this “otherness” is sacred, not something to hide but to celebrate. It has led me here, to the creation of Sanandawa, a way to embrace not only my own complex truth but the Divine Spark within everyone.

I am a non-binary femme who identifies as sapiosexual and spirit sexual—attracted to a person’s mind and spirit far more than their outer appearance—and this aligns with the inclusivity of Sanandawa. I also identify as pansexual, embracing the beauty of love and connection that transcends binaries. I’m a NeuroSparky (trademark in process), an AuADHD adult (Autistic with ADHD), and my neurodivergence is at the heart of my creativity and vision. I am a Creatrix, an intuitive empath, a Sacred Rager who sees the good first, but also a harmonizer unafraid of shadow work. My sunlight side is unicorns, rainbows, and mermaids, while my shadow side channels a bit of Wednesday Addams, Gothic vibes, and an Amazon warrior spirit. I can be a nature-loving, Zora Neale Hurston-inspired country-city Black woman one moment, and a techie Afro-futurist, Malcolm X  and James Baldwin quoting, Angela Davis and Audre Lorde-loving, bell hooks inspired, anti-capitalist ready for the dawn of a more just, egalitarian world where people don’t feel we need haves and have nots and chosen ones better than others but ones who are chosen because they chose to step up for Divine Love and for not just self but us all and don’t feel that makes them better or more loved by Divine. 

I’ve always been sensual and sexual, but discerning, valuing sacred connection over casual interactions. I have been both victim and harm-doer, and I strive to grow each day into a better person. I’ve been an imperfect mother—at times falling short as a young mom to my oldest son—but I’m healing and growing, working to be the mother my youngest children say I’ve become. I’m an intellectual who treasures what others might dismiss as uncultured, a lover of fine dining and gas station fried chicken alike. Most importantly, I am a perfectly imperfect spiritual being having a fleshly experience. I don’t know everything, and I don’t feel I’m better than anyone else. In truth, I’m only now beginning to see my beauty and divinity, inside and out.

Sanandawa reflects this journey—a space for those who feel they don’t fit into societal boxes, who reject the binary thinking that oppresses and separates, and who long for harmony with themselves, others, and all creation. It is for the wounded harmonizers, the sacred rebels, the healers, the dreamers, and the seekers. It is a return to the Divine Feminine, the Divine Masculine, and the Divine Androgyny—a celebration of the diversity that makes us whole. It centers the wisdom of indigenous ancestors worldwide, Afro-diasporic spirituality, and the radical teachings of love and liberation that resonate across cultures and times.

If you are curious about how I’m learning to live in Now:Time—as my dear friend Damien Lamar puts it—while harmonizing with the past and dreaming of the future, the Sanandawa is my invitation to you. Through the remembrance of what has always been sacred and the creation of what will be, we can embrace All:Time, No:Time, Divine:Time, Infinite:Time. Together, we can rise from the ashes of what was, in love, joy, and harmony. It is the Sanandawa.

Here I am. Disabled but not broken   Raw. Emotional. Spiritual. Wounded Harmonizer. Priestess, shaman, intuitive empath, and oracle card reader in training and professional therapist, griot, Creatrix returning, connector, generator, flawed, and lover of Divine, self, and others. Still growing and learning. 

If I ever hurt you, I’m sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. If you ever hurt me, I love you. I see you. I love you. You are divinely created and divinely connected to me. I’m not truly liberated until we all are liberated, including those who falsely believe they have all the power and can enslave others. Once we all stop focusing on the surface things of life, and realize the Divine Power within and without when we join our Divine Sparks in Divine Love with each other, we shall ALL overcome as one when we have unity and harmony within diversity and we realize being one doesn’t mean all being exactly the same and believing the same on everything but sharing belief in spiritual and natural laws not man made binary laws that justifies what is and can destroy all creation. Amen! Asé! 

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