Consider the mindset that you enjoy on vacation. You are free to set your own schedule, not worrying about what you have to do today, not worrying about the time — just being — minus the anxiety.
Now imagine the mindset of being busy at work or in any of your important endeavors: doing one task while being anxious about many others, worrying that you may not be doing the right task, interrupted by others, distracted and stressed.
These are two different mindsets, and yet, what if we could enjoy the vacation mind while working?
Well, we would need to forego the lazing around, but the mindset could be the same. This has the potential to result in a more sane lifestyle, not just living for the weekend or the little vacation time we have, but the ability to navigate life so that we are truly happier every day.
How can this be done? We would need to practice and develop a few small habits, that will make more sense as we go along.
WHAT WOULD THE VACATION MIND LOOK LIKE AT WORK?
Often just thinking about work tasks can alter our mindset from relaxation to anxiety: worry for what we need to do, deadlines, dealing with difficult people, information overload, being on the right task, even concerns as to whether we may be missing out on something important. A life, perhaps :-)
A vacation mindset lets the anxiety go and is simply present in the current moment. Time is less important, enjoying yourself is the priority. You let go of the anxiety. You aren’t worried about getting it all done, or doing the right thing right now, or all the things you have to do later.
You are immersed in the task you are working on and are able to set a pace of doing it so that you can enjoy the present moment.
So how would this look? You choose to work on a particular task, perhaps writing something. You, obviously, have quite a list of things to do but this is the thing you decide to work on at the moment.
Could there be other things you should be doing instead? Of course, there always are and will continue to be. Imagine for a moment how efficient you can become if what you are doing and what you are focused on are actually one and the same.
I would venture to say that several things could happen.
You might find that you actually enjoy what you are doing when you aren't constantly having to pull your focus back from what you are concerned about.... or maybe because you don't want to do the hard work of focusing on the task at hand, your mind wanders (and takes your fingers on the keyboard with it), to shop or research online.
This is where it is easier to lose focus and get even more behind in the project that we are working on.
As for the best thing to do right now, the moment of perfect certainty never comes, so just pick something and do it in a manner that affords you time to be intentional, consistent, and to apply your level of expertise and experience. No short cuts. Be ready to sign your name to the final draft.
If you want to touch on a healthy dose of self-esteem, this is the thing that gets you there. There is no amount of framed or engraved awards that will ever bring the self-satisfaction of that of a job we've done so well that we are excited to see it again and again, revisit the effort and enjoyment as well as share the finished product.
By practicing being able to enjoy the task at hand we are able to be more present, which is must less exhausting than attempting to juggle too many plates.
Let other tasks take their rightful place, the time to do them will come. Immerse yourself in the current task. Focus on enjoying yourself as you do it.
At times, you may mentally step back, come up for air and take a look at the bigger picture, and then return back to the project. This is what I like to call “laser-focus”.
And you can do this when you talk with a co-worker or client. You can do this with an important email, or processing paperwork, small tasks, designing something, programming, creating art, helping a patient or student. This is a learned strategy. It is a discipline that is easily doable.
However, we can’t just flip a switch and be good at these things today … they do take practice, like any other skill, but in the long run, I can say that they’re worth practicing, even if you never master them, because they can transform your relationship with work and any important endeavor that you undertake.
Here are some helpful practices that you can consider working on a little every day:
-Pick something, get immersed in the act of being creative. Focus on the enjoyment of creating something that is uniquely your idea. Being able to work from this relaxing mindset affords you the time to think with a higher level of energy. This will play out in everything you endeavor to do.
-Let go of anxieties. This takes practice. Learn to recognize when you begin to feel anxious and notice the source of the anxiety. This is typically focusing on an outcome you want to happen, such as, looking good in front of others, being highly productive, controlling a situation, etc. Realize the desired outcome is merely a fantasy, and other outcomes can work out just as well. Realize that holding on to this fantasy of how it should turn out causes stress. Let go and restore your creative energy mindset.
-Come up for air and see the big picture. Diving in is goal, and, it is also helpful to step back at times, and assess what is going on around you. Notice people who are nearby and if anyone needs your attention, how you’re sitting (and whether you’re sitting too long), etc. Is there an appointment you should get to? See the big picture, then go back into immersion.
-Be less worried about time. Time is important but we can be mindful of it while not being “lorded over” by it. It matters that we show up on time for appointments we have, paying attention to completion deadlines, billing clients etc. There are times when we can waste time worrying about the time we need to do or not be doing something. Practice a balance of being aware of when time matters and when there can be some leeway.
You may be considering if this is truly doable. The answer depends on you. You’ll be surprised what you can do — if you have the “want to”.
At the end of the day, you'll feel more energetic over the good things you've accomplished. This will help you to be less stressed, treat yourself (and others) better and ultimately, to create a life you don't need to escape from.
There are so many ways we can let our 'have-to-do' items (we have to work to make a living) spill all over our 'would-like-to-do' items.
When we aren't fully focused on what we're doing, we can spend an inordinate amount of time worrying and stressing over what we could've-should've done differently.
We can pretty much eliminate this drama by simply practicing doing our tasks (if we have a career, our own business, or are retired and have personal projects) in a manner that allows us to be vacationally-minded.
When I think about the truth behind taking a calmer pace, besides the tortoise and the hare, I am reminded of a story my mother shared with me years ago when I first began driving.
My mother had a lead foot... and she treated it like a badge. LOL. However, when I started driving, she had some teachable moments to share.
She told me about driving home to our hometown, Pembroke, Georgia, every weekend when she was working 2 hours away. Numerous times she had gotten warnings after being pulled over by a police officer, and occasionally, a speeding ticket.
After one particular time when she received a ticket, she brought up to her supervisor how frustrating her drive was: there was no interstate (at the time), all the small towns with their speed limit signs and the endless redlights.
He nodded in a kind and knowing manner and mentioned that in a situation such as she had described that passing everyone and being in a constant hurry really was a waste of time and stress. He told her to pay attention on her next drive to all the cars she passed. He said she may be surprised to find that at the traffic lights when she had to stop, she would likely see a number of the same cars she had passed, lined up right behind her. She accepted the challenge and noted that he was absolutely correct!
I still exercise this practice today because I love taking a back road. You can't miss me when I do, I'm the car you'll pass and who will leisurely pull up behind you at the next traffic light. So when you look back in your rearview mirror, just throw up your hand and remember I'm smiling right back at you.... with a little less stress :-)
Until next time....
-Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Women who are ready to Create Joy-Filled ❤️ Relationships, Emotional Wellness & Lasting Joy! Let's Go...
*Enjoy Peaceful Relationships by Eliminating Negative Beliefs and Unhealthy Habits.
*Experience Emotional Wellness by Establishing Safe Personal Limits aka Boundaries.
*Eliminate the Need to Spend Time, Energy & Money for Ongoing Therapy, Attorney Fees and Relational Losses.
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In order to grow, one of the most important lessons that we can invest time in learning is how to sit calmly and wait in our discomfort. This is a temporary task, but not an easy one. We are not in control of the timeframe. But God is.
The most fertile ground for growth in our life, spiritually and emotionally, is during our times of uncertainty. The moment of perfect certainty for any decision or choice we are faced with, NEVER comes. But, hindsight is 20/20.
When we are in school as children, we received our lessons and then we were given the test. That's not so much the way it works in our adult worlds. We typically are faced with the test, and then we get the lesson.
God, not principles, doctrines, habits or routines is our greatest Source of Life and Love. His plan is for true connection and deep relationships. The determining factors of true connectedness are genuine, healthy relatedness, the ability to be vulnerable and having close relationships where we are not ashamed of being who we truly are. To grow we need to be in relationship with God and with safe people we can trust, whose character we know to be reliable.
Many of our struggles can stem from trying to control things outside of our control. When we focus on this effort, we often lose control of ourselves. God is in control of the big picture … we are to maintain self-control of our own lives and what He has given to us.
Praying the Serenity Prayer helps us regain control of our lives. "God grant me the Serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".
The Fall reversed God's order of things, leaving us looking to become independent from God, our Source:
~A desire to be like God.
~A desire to gain life outside of relationship with God.
~An assumption that wisdom and knowledge could be gained apart from God, the True Source.
~A step away from the role of dependence on God.
In addition to becoming independent of God, Adam & Eve lost their relationship with Him and with each other. Death meant separation from Him, who is Life! They entered a state of becoming enemies of God and lost their intimacy and vulnerability with each other … naked & ashamed.
The impact on us personally is that love became much harder to find and even harder to sustain.
Thankfully, God, in Christ, offers reconciliation for all things. This happens in every one who applies it to their life. The process of growth itself is the returning of everything to it’s rightful and righteous place before God. Solving life’s problems and growing spiritually are one and the same thing! In redemption, we come back to God as the Source of Life.
We seek Him first. He is the One who adds life. We come back to full dependence on God alone. He is the Source of healing and growth. Redemption helps us get to the end or our attempt to provide for ourselves, and turn our full focus to God for strength, truth, healing, care, correction, etc.
To return to the created order means to get back into relationship with God and with each other. Everything in life depends on loving God and loving others. Redemption reconciles us into right relationship with God by faith and forgiveness, and re-establishes connection. Secondly, redemption reverses our alienation and isolation from each other and get us rightly connected. It is a surrender to God as Lord in every area of our life.
As we grow spiritually by deepening our intimacy with God and being in true connection to others who are safe for us, we cease making destructive choices, and begin to do things that lead to a better life. We give up control, initiate self-control and allow others to be who they were meant to be.
In essence, we stop making up our own rules and live the life God has designed us to live.
Our expectations can cause us to hold rigid standards in how we judge others, as opposed to offering them the grace that we all receive by surrendering our will to God. When we focus on the faults of others and not on their hearts, we lose out on learning their fears, vulnerabilities and the things they are passionate about.
When we hold space for others, we provide a safe place where’s there’s enough grace to open up and bring things into the light where they can be healed. When we act in a way that displeases God, He doesn’t condemn, He connects with our heart, and offers us grace.
As we discover and acknowlege that God is for us and not against us, we can grow because we are able to shift from a natural human view of God to a real, Biblical view of God. We shift from seeing a God of Law to a God of Grace. We are then able to see Him as One who loves us and not someone we need to avoid when we fail.
Once our view of God shifts, we can learn to love as He has loved us. We are able to offer grace as well as lovingly confront when needed. We can accept responsibility for our lives and choices and allow others to do the same. We practice self-control and not other-control. This enables us to become safe people who have a strong connection to God as well as healthy boundaries to receive what is good and to eliminate what is bad in our lives.
We demonstrate that we are a safe person for others by respecting their boundaries, as well as allowing them to bear the consequences of their choices. Most of the process involves learning to become aware, responsive and dependent on Jesus on a daily basis… thus being built up in the faith.
One way to bear the necessary pain of growth is to be humble. We then become willing to allow something uncomfortable to happen to us, if it’s the right thing to do. To be comforted, understood and strengthened, we need God and others in our life. Jesus modeled dependence on God and on His inner circle. When Jesus was hurt by others, he didn’t focus on the injurer, giving control of His life to them. He didn’t allow His hurts to alter His direction or values in life.
If we deny our emotional hurts, we remain injured. In painful times, the temptation comes to get our needs met in ways other than what is God’s best for us.
Our desire to grow or change is initiated by God. Growth begins in a secure relationship and in alignment with God. The Holy Spirit will always be with us and will search our hearts and show us what we need to change. He will give us the ability to do the things we need to do.
The power of the Holy Spirit often draws us toward His truth, when we are facing an issue. He will often allow this 'concern' to stay with us, simply camped out in our minds, waiting for us to deal with it. This usually means doing the 'next basic right thing'. This is a time to commit to pray until we sense His gentle press in how we should move or respond. Prayer changes things, either instantly or over time.
Our most basic need in life is for relationship. Acceptance builds trust and relationship. We cannot grow unless we are sure that we are known and loved. Relationships where we receive warmth and the permission to be ourselves, allow us to become more vulnerable and bring parts of ourselves to light, that need to be connected. The connection to relationship itself fuels growth in us, because we have the support that we need.
Support enables each of us to go through our times of grief, trials, growth and a whole host of other challenges. To support others during their difficult times, we offer acceptance and grace and patiently wait as God uses us to encourage them in their walk. As we learn to trust each other, we are open to share vulnerabilities and weaknesses. We feel less empty and isolated. Confession opens the soul to being loved by others. Eventually our wings will heal and we will, once again, soar as God intended!
We all have coping mechanisms to cover pain, help us deal with fear, manage relational inabilities, and help us hold it all together. Trials and suffering push those mechanisms past the breaking point so we can find where we need to grow. Then true spiritual growth begins at deeper levels and we are healed.
Once we are moving on a path toward healing, righteousness and character take the place of coping, and the prize we win is character. We stretch to grow by pushing through fear, vulnerability and pain. We gain strength when we ask God the question, “What can I learn from this?” When we look to God for wisdom and the steps to maturity, and complete the steps we don't have to repeat the lesson.
Pain that prohibits us from healing, comes from ruminating, recounting and repeating old patterns of attempting to avoid the suffering it would take to change them. We can suffer greatly because of personal character faults. We have to avoid the enemy’s temptation to medicate the pain and continue to repeat the mistakes. While pain is inevitable, suffering is optional!
Self-medication methods such as performance, perfectionism, materialism, busyness, control, etc., deceive us into believing we can avoid suffering. However, these vices cannot carry the weight of the problems they try to mask.
Often, the underlying reasons why people demonstrate defensive character patterns such as detaching when things get heated and / or withdrawing when things get uncomfortable are because of fear or hurt. The best way to feel powerful in a relationship is to stand there and be honest.
To reach higher levels of emotional health and maturity, we have to give back better than we receive, regardless of how we are treated. We are able to choose to overcome evil with good. This is how we are saved from other people’s problems and their outcomes.
We are only as healthy as our ability to relate as God relates; He is honest, loving, forgiving, communicates well and is able to be vulnerable, real and transparent. He confronts hurtful behavior in loving ways when necessary, and allows for consequences so lasting change can occur.
Grief is God’s cure for what is not right and it is the toughest pain we have to deal with. Grief does not 'happen' to us, we must enter into it. It is the one type of pain that heals all the others. Grief is our lament (prayer expressing sorrow, pain or confusion), for what we have lost and it allows us to mourn so we can be restored and comforted when things have gone wrong.
Grief is God’s way of us getting finished with the bad stuff of life. It is the process by which we get over it, and are able to let it go. The soul is freed from painful experiences and released for new and better experiences.
Allow yourself to cry it out and it will get out and be over! And, consider journaling your thoughts... at least, the ones that open you up to hope, heal and trust that God has a plan and it is never to harm us!
The life we want is found in doing things God’s way. We learn to do life on God’s terms by relinquishing our old, flawed way of doing things and look to Him for guidance and insight into what is His best for us. He wants to teach us some critical skills that will change everything.
He wants us to understand that honesty is not only a virtue; it is the only way to enjoy intimacy. Confession and owning our faults is the only way to grow and reach our life goals. Listening to feedback and correction is a gift that brings life. Forgiving others is our path to healing, freedom and reconciliation.
Remember, getting aligned with God and getting healthy are one and the same thing!
When you build a life and stand on what Jesus taught, regardless of what happens you will make it through.
Until next time....
-Sheri xo
Points to Ponder:
What is God saying to you through what you have just read? Connect with me and share your thoughts.
***Relationship coaching can help you eliminate negative beliefs and unhealthy habits, and create joy-filled relationships. For more information on a Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships Coaching Group, or to Join the WaitList for pre-enrollment pricing, send a message (see below).
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Women who are ready to Create Joy-Filled ❤️ Relationships, Emotional Wellness & Lasting Joy! Let's Go...
*Enjoy Peaceful Relationships by Eliminating Negative Beliefs and Unhealthy Habits.
*Experience Emotional Wellness by Establishing Safe Personal Limits aka Boundaries.
*Eliminate the Need to Spend Time, Energy & Money for Ongoing Therapy, Attorney Fees and Relational Losses.
Spread the Love by Clicking the Share Link at the Top Left of this Post!
Often, the most difficult part of family or working relationships is when a little grain of sand makes its way into the otherwise seamless flow of everyday living.
A grain of sand inside an oyster causes an irritant. Once the oyster layers the irritant with nacre to reduce the discomfort the grain of sand causes, the irritant eventually becomes a pearl.
Working to resolve the “irritants” in our relationships can make the climate where we spend most of our time and focus a lot more pleasant. Overlooked, the irritant may grow and continue to have a negative impact.
These situations can and most often are based on assumptions made by one party toward or about the other. These assumptions can be “birthed” by idle chitchat from a third party and can make the normal routine very tense.
Taking steps to overcome this unfortunate circumstance can replace the climate balance and life can resume.
Refusing to address these issues can consume a lot of mental energy.
Consider what resolution may look like in the way of managing conflict.
1- Build a unique confidence to confront in a kind and loving way when necessary.
It is common and normal to have a certain hesitancy around addressing an issue that is assumed as having some sort of conflict attached to it. The fact that fear is present in the concern around confronting the issue doesn’t mean it should be avoided.
While we often shy away from fear, it actually can help develop a needed confidence to address issues before they can get out of hand. True, feeling fear is uncomfortable, but not much outside of stepping out of our comfort zone will ever stretch us to be all we can be.
Most of our growth comes from times of uncertainty. We just know that the way things are have become a challenge that needs attention.
Consider the costs of the situation remaining as it is or imagine the worst case scenario. Can you live with that? If not, step forward. If you think you can, consider the best case scenario of what it could be if it were to be resolved. Can you live with less than that? If not, take a baby step forward.
Since a moment of quiet prayer can actually calm you, prayerfully consider the best time to approach the other person. When the time feels right, calmly let them know what you are sensing and inquire as to what their thoughts are around the subject.
Regardless of the response you receive, it will be more liberating for you to get it out in the open in a calm, well thought out manner, than for you to continue to fret about it.
You may not receive the immediate response that you desire, but in time, you may be pleasantly surprised.
2 – Taking ownership of what we may have contributed in the breakdown can be empowering.
While no one would argue that we aren’t always the cause of all of our problems, confronting an issue in our mind and heart before we approach another person can often help us to sort out our sensitive feelings and determine what we are responsible for in the situation.
Having done so, we can be empowered to confront the other person in a manner that will be less hostile and will diffuse the temptation to become defensive.
I recommend journaling thoughts and feelings for clarity so you can organize them and work through your emotions.
Diffusing emotions before addressing an issue will help maintain self-control without derailing the process by anger.
3 – Actively listen to the other person as they respond.
The second most difficult part of a confrontation that seeks to clear the air and restore peace is making a concerted effort to really listen to the other person as they share their thoughts or feelings.
This is especially true if you disagree with what they are saying. Listening does not mean agreement. Listening is demonstrating respect. A good rule here is to listen to the person as you would desire to be listened to in a situation that may be difficult for you to express.
In coaching, I often find that when a person is truly acknowledged, listened to and heard, they feel safe and are willing to share and work through the process to create a breakthrough. It can sometimes take a breakdown to bring a breakthrough.
We may be working to achieve a higher level of relating than we could ever have imagined by allowing ourselves to grow in the process. If we gain a deeper understanding, we may gain a stronger bond in the relationship.
This will work in building teamwork at home or at work. What do we have to lose if the air is already thick with tension?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It can be a risk well worth taking.
What is the value of restored peace?
For me, it is priceless.
As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments. -Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Women who are ready to Create Joy-Filled ❤️ Relationships, Emotional Wellness & Lasting Joy! Let's Go...
*Enjoy Peaceful Relationships by Eliminating Negative Beliefs and Unhealthy Habits.
*Experience Emotional Wellness by Establishing Safe Personal Limits aka Boundaries.
*Eliminate the Need to Spend Time, Energy & Money for Ongoing Therapy, Attorney Fees and Relational Losses.
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It may appear that fairness has become one of the gold-standards of American culture. Everyone is equal. For anyone to receive any kind of preference is perceived to be discriminating against them and has the potential to bring a lawsuit. In many ways, this can be perceived as good and entirely appropriate for any free society.
While it may appear so, fairness does not mean that every person gets the same thing. The true meaning of fairness is that 'we get what we deserve'.
When we think of what it means to be fair, we can compare it to two separate mindsets:
*A person holding a negative view of themselves or the world, may believe there is no escape for them to think, feel or believe any other way, except that they are not 'good'.
*Another person who may typically see the more positive side of things, may have the expectation that since they’ve never been arrested they are truly good in the eyes of God.
Love isn't necessarily fair. Love prefers the beloved one over and above all others. I may believe that my kids are cuter than your kids, and you probably disagree because you believe your kids are cuter than mine. Love does this to and for us. It’s not fair, but it’s good.
God is love. But is God, fair?
He is perfect. He is right. He is good. He is just.
But, God is NOT fair! Okay, now I've lost about two-thirds of you, who are likely thinking, 'Wait! Is she honestly saying that God. Is. Not. Fair??
Yes, I am saying that... bear with me a moment.... think about it this way: If we could be perfect as Jesus Christ is, we would be able to stand in God's sight. It is our sin that separates us from God, not who we are, who our parents are, where we work or how much money we make, the size of our house, yada yada yada.
Because we live in a fallen world, where prior to the fall, God looked on all that He had made and He said, "Behold, it is very good!"
Enter, our humanness through Adam and Eve. They get an up close glimpse of a very appealing shiny piece of fruit and made the choice to do life on their terms and follow a worthless pursuit of trying to be as "God is" based on a lie from a snake! Yuck!! Who listens to a snake?? (Hmmm, I am pretty sure, I would have elected to chase the stupid shiny object as well?... I mean 'pleasing to the eye' does sound pretty fabulous, right??)
So, God says, "Great, now look what you've done. What am I going to do with You??" (Okay, this is The Sheri Paraphrase... LOL). So, he decides on a plan for our redemption and spends 2000 years perfecting it. Boy, we do have our issues.... just saying.
So God is not fair, because if He were, Jesus would never have come to earth, gone through all that He faced, cried out in a Garden that God might free Him from the step He knew He was going to need to take. He would not have had to face betrayal by someone who had walked with Him as a Friend. He would not have spent hours in torture and interrogation, only to be mocked, spit upon, ridiculed, and persecuted beyond recognition. And then, for six hours one Friday, hang on a cross made from a tree He created. He did it all for me... yep, for my sins.
While He was on the cross, He was thinking of me. He was thinking of you, too!
He did it...Just for me... and for You too:
For me to be free to have a rotten attitude when things don't go my way;
For me to be free to call His name out loud when life hurts;
For me to shake my fist at Him for all I've been through and how unfair it all is;
And, for three days from now on Easter Sunday, for me to walk beside you and proclaim:
"Hallelujah, He is Risen!!" So you could reply in turn, "He is Risen, Indeed!!"
Oh, what a Savior.... Thank You, Jesus!!
Okay, back to my story...
But God is just. His judgments are right and good and true.
A God whose primary description is “fair” would be devoid of grace or mercy or compassion. Instead, the guilty would immediately receive the punishment for their sin. This equates to what is commonly known as 'karma', where you receive what you’ve earned. Every action is weighed on a scale, and you work your hardest to have the good outweigh the bad.
Those who desire a fair God also have a very low view of sin’s seriousness. Sure, God may not like sin, but surely I won't be condemned by my sin unless it’s really serious, right?
But that’s just not what the Bible teaches about sin. Read the Sermon on the Mount and see how serious Jesus treats sin.
Even if God was fair and He would actually weigh the scales, and even if your scales had more good than bad… what would a fair God do with sin? We would certainly, at least I would be, found wanting!
A good judge makes right judgments. He does not condemn the innocent. Nor does he free the guilty.
God is just (because He does not overlook sin), but He is not fair.
It simply is not fair that Jesus Christ suffered on Calvary's Cross in my place and for my sin!
It is not fair that He endured the rejection and wrath that should have been mine.
It is not fair that I received the Grace of God, while He received the most bitterest of cups, for me. In my place.
God is not fair, He transferred the guilt of all humanity on the innocent shoulders of Jesus. But He is just, because the punishment was given out and paid for.
If God was fair, we would all receive what we’ve earned… death.
“The Lord God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may freely eat; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for on the day that you eat from it you will certainly die.” Genesis 2:16-17
“Indeed, there is not a righteous person on earth who always does good and does not ever sin.” Ecclesiastes 7:20
“They have all turned aside; together they are corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.” Psalm 14:3
“For the wages of sin is death…” Romans 6:23
“For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it.” James 2:10
I just have to say here.... If God sees all of this about us and He still makes a way of redemption for us... who are we to look on another and, blame, judge or condemn them? They will KNOW we are His (Followers of Jesus aka Christians) by our LOVE!
Okay, I'm getting back to my story.... Imagine a fair God, who gave to everyone what they deserved. We’d all receive the judgment we deserve! We’d all be condemned to hell.
Thanks be to God for His love and grace and mercy, which turned His justice against Himself, Jesus Christ being fully God and fully man, so that sinners could be reconciled with God.
Hallelujah, what a gift!!!!! Receive it...even though you or I can't earn it... We can receive it!!
“And Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Luke 23:34
“… God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their wrongdoings against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:19
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9
The message of the gospel is this: We are saved by faith alone in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. We plead for God’s grace, not for fairness.
Salvation comes through the work of Christ. It is a gift, not a paycheck. It is unfair, because it’s pure grace.
Let us give praise and thanks to God that He is not fair!
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Women who are ready to Create Joy-Filled ❤️ Relationships, Emotional Wellness & Lasting Joy! Let's Go...
*Enjoy Peaceful Relationships by Eliminating Negative Beliefs and Unhealthy Habits.
*Experience Emotional Wellness by Establishing Safe Personal Limits aka Boundaries.
*Eliminate the Need to Spend Time, Energy & Money for Ongoing Therapy, Attorney Fees and Relational Losses.
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Have you ever spent time with your spouse, parent, son or daughter, or a close friend and mentioned an idea only to have them either respond with silence or a host of questions? Or perhaps, they have mentioned something about your idea that brought some anxiety or concern to them?
What happens next? Do you calmly try to ease their minds by providing additional info or holding space for them to share their thoughts or concerns? Or, like many of us, do you assume the worst... 'they think my idea is bad', or 'they are angry at me for suggesting this' or 'they really are not open to try anything different', etc.? Are we too easy to jump to conclusions on situations because we read too much into them?
Let's consider for a moment that they may simply be processing their thoughts and want to learn more about the specifics of what you are sharing with them? Maybe it isn't that they are unwilling, but simply that their personality may naturally just be one that is more curious and they prefer having more details.
Mama always told me to "Never assume!" You may have heard that before as well. However, my mother was not one to use the word 'never' because she believed that 'we should never say never because we never know!' So, when she said not to assume numerous times, it was something I paid close attention to.
She had a little pun to add to it. I won't write it here but I'll give you a little riddle. The first three letters in the word 'assume' describe the King James term for a donkey. The last three letters tell who is made out to be the animal described in the first three letters. So, have a little fun and you will figure it out. If not, reach out to me in the comments below (You will need to click the link to my site at the bottom of this email. The comment form is displayed at the bottom of the post on my site).
I am a verbal processor so I will often repeat back a thought or an idea that is suggested to me. Sometimes, I make sound like a parrot, LOL! This is the only way I have been able to internalize what I've heard. Without verbal processing, it is also difficult for me to remember what I hear. I'm a little weird in that way!
Internal processors (they need to 'think' on it), can get really annoyed by folks who process the way I do. In fact, when we need to think on things, often it can be a real challenge to avoid assuming because we don't always experience our curiousity right out of the gate. The challenge presents itself later when questions come to mind and whoever shared the idea with us may no longer be around to provide the clarity that is needed.
We typically view the world through the lens of our own experiences, history, personality, temperament and perhaps, through the way we were raised. Additionally, we interpret words and body language in similar ways as well.
What this means in significant relationships, is that we tend to routinely misunderstand or misread what is said or done. And more importantly, we may take it personally! And then, take offense. (Note here: offenses are taken, not given, so think on that a bit).
Wrong assumptions and mistaken perceptions typically increase conflict in relationships, and can often lead to damaging arguments. This is especially true in marriage and other close relationships.
Here are some negative patterns to be on the look out for, in order to avoid negative relational issues:
1) Pay attention to your thoughts and perceptions. When you notice you are making assumptions, ask yourself, "Is this perception accurate? Or am I reading too much into this?"
2) Be aware of the lenses that you are seeing life through. When my oldest daughter was a teenager, she once stated to me a simple but profound truth. She said, "Life is a perception issue, Mom. It is what we perceive it to be, whether or not it is true". Such wisdom! Our perspectives can be accurate or they can be terribly distorted at times. Consider the experiences that you've had that have shaped the way you view life: anger, fear, loss or rejection, shame or guilt, hopelessness, perfectionism, people pleasing, avoidance, or withdrawal, etc. When you are processing what someone may mean when they are saying or doing something that you are uncertain about, ask yourself if you are observing their words or actions through any of these lenses that may have caused much difficulty for you.
3) Identify negative thoughts and feelings that may surface as you listen to what your loved one is saying. (One major issue to be aware of here is to be sure you are actively listening. Active listening means not interrupting and not focusing on what or how you will respond... just listen!) Bring your negative thoughts or feelings out in the open and pose them as questions to gain greater clarity and avoid the risk of harming the relational connection.
4) Make the effort to move your thoughts in a more accurate direction. Our thoughts have a lot of power to move us forward or mislead us in destructive ways that hold us back. This is especially important to remember. Consider the words of the Apostle Paul, in 2 Corinthians 10:15, "Take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ". If you find that you are tempted to make wrong or negative assumptions, pause before you react, and consider if the lens you are viewing the situation through may be distorted.
By putting these strategies into practice, you can avoid rocky relationships. Letting go of your assumptions and focusing on what your loved one is actually trying to communicate helps clear up false assumptions and expectations that lead to misunderstandings, and provide for more pleasant and joy-filled relationships!
If this is an encouragement for you, please share with the other amazing women in your life!
-Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Women who are ready to Create Joy-Filled ❤️ Relationships, Emotional Wellness & Lasting Joy! Let's Go...
*Enjoy Peaceful Relationships by Eliminating Negative Beliefs and Unhealthy Habits.
*Experience Emotional Wellness by Establishing Safe Personal Limits aka Boundaries.
*Eliminate the Need to Spend Time, Energy & Money for Ongoing Therapy, Attorney Fees and Relational Losses.
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