Day 1 Night-Time Devotional: Breaking the Need to Be Picked
Before you go to sleep tonight, I want you to pause—not to replay the day, not to analyze conversations, not to wonder where you stand with anyone—but to listen.
Auditioning for love doesn’t usually happen in public. It happens right here, in the quiet. In the stillness. In the moments when the house is silent but your thoughts are loud.
This is where the questions surface—the ones you don’t always say out loud: Did I do too much? Did I do enough? Did I make myself too available? Did I say something wrong? Will I still matter tomorrow?
If you’ve asked those questions before, hear me clearly—you are not strange, and you are not alone.
The need to be picked often disguises itself as reflection, responsibility, or self-awareness. But at its core, it is the habit of measuring your worth by someone else’s response. It is going to bed mentally tallying effort, silence, attention, and affection—trying to calculate whether you are still chosen.
And tonight, God is asking you to stop carrying that weight.
John 15:16 (NLT) says, “You didn’t choose me. I chose you.”
That one sentence dismantles the pressure you’ve been living under. Before you adjusted yourself. Before you explained yourself again. Before you tried harder to be enough—God had already chosen you.
That one sentence dismantles the pressure you’ve been living under. Before you adjusted yourself. Before you explained yourself again. Before you tried harder to be enough—God had already chosen you.
So tonight, you are not resting as an option.
You are resting as someone already selected.
You are resting as someone already selected.
If today exposed moments where you over-gave, over-explained, or shrank yourself just to feel secure, do not go to bed in shame. Conviction is not condemnation. God does not reveal truth to wound you—He reveals it to free you.
Romans 5:8 (NLT) reminds us that Christ loved you before you got it right. His love is not earned by effort and it is not withdrawn by imperfection. It does not rise when you are desired by people, and it does not fall when you are overlooked.
That means you can stop striving tonight.
You can stop rehearsing tomorrow.
You can stop auditioning for love that has already been given.
You can stop rehearsing tomorrow.
You can stop auditioning for love that has already been given.
As you close your eyes, release the belief that you must be picked to be worthy. Let your heart rest in this truth: you are already chosen, already loved, already secure in Christ.
Night Prayer
God, tonight I lay down every moment where I tried to earn what You already gave. I release the fear of being overlooked, replaced, or forgotten. Teach my heart how to rest in Your choosing and trust Your love without performing. Amen.
Sleep in peace.
You are safe here.
Tomorrow, we continue.
You are safe here.
Tomorrow, we continue.
DAY 1: BREAKING THE NEED TO BE PICKED
Let me speak plainly—because healing does not happen in vague language.
There was a season in my life when I was auditioning for love and did not even know it. I wasn’t consciously trying to impress anyone. I wasn’t waking up thinking, Let me earn love today. What I was doing felt normal. It felt responsible. It felt like what a woman does when she wants a relationship to last.
And that is exactly why so many women miss it.
The need to be picked does not usually show up as desperation. It shows up as adaptation. It shows up as self-abandonment disguised as love. You can be in a relationship—and still be auditioning. Married and still auditioning. Dating and still auditioning. Because auditioning for love has very little to do with your relationship status and everything to do with what you believe about your worth.
When self-esteem has been damaged, confidence has been slowly eroded, and self-worth has been shaped by rejection or abandonment, unhealthy dynamics begin to feel familiar. Being chosen starts to feel like validation. Being wanted starts to feel like security. Being picked starts to feel like identity.
So the need to be picked often looks like this:
You become overly understanding when your needs are ignored.
You call it patience when your boundaries are crossed.
You pride yourself on being “low maintenance” while your peace disappears.
You stay quiet so you don’t risk being left.
You give more—not because you have more—but because you are afraid of being replaced.
You call it patience when your boundaries are crossed.
You pride yourself on being “low maintenance” while your peace disappears.
You stay quiet so you don’t risk being left.
You give more—not because you have more—but because you are afraid of being replaced.
At the root of all of it is fear.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of being replaced.
Fear of not being enough as you are.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of being replaced.
Fear of not being enough as you are.
And fear changes behavior.
Fear makes you give more than is healthy.
Fear makes you stay longer than is wise.
Fear makes you explain yourself again and again.
Fear makes you ignore what hurts.
Fear convinces you to accept less than you deserve.
Fear makes you stay longer than is wise.
Fear makes you explain yourself again and again.
Fear makes you ignore what hurts.
Fear convinces you to accept less than you deserve.
Not because you are weak—but because you want to be loved.
And here is an important truth many women need to hear clearly:
Wanting to be loved does not make you broken.
But believing you must earn love will keep you bound.
But believing you must earn love will keep you bound.
Breaking the need to be picked requires confronting a belief that often goes unchallenged: at some point, many of us learned to measure our worth by whether someone chose us.
We internalized messages like:
If he wants me, I matter.
If they stay, I’m worthy.
If I’m chosen, I’m enough.
If he wants me, I matter.
If they stay, I’m worthy.
If I’m chosen, I’m enough.
Once those beliefs take root, we begin shaping ourselves around them. We shrink to stay safe. We settle to stay chosen. We perform to stay connected. We tolerate what violates our values. We silence our needs. We cross our own boundaries.
Because the pain of not being chosen feels heavier than the pain of losing ourselves.
But let me be clear—and loving—when I say this:
That is not love.
That is fear wearing the mask of love.
That is fear wearing the mask of love.
God never designed you to live in performance mode.
Jesus Himself dismantles the entire mindset of auditioning when He says in John 15:16 (NLT),
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you.”
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you.”
That truth changes everything.
If Christ chose you first, then your worth was never dependent on being selected by people. If God chose you intentionally, then you were never meant to compete, prove, or perform for value.
Romans 5:8 (NLT) tells us,
“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
Not after healing.
Not after growth.
Not after perfection.
Not after growth.
Not after perfection.
And Ephesians 1:4 (NLT) reminds us,
“Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ.”
“Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ.”
You were chosen before you ever tried to be enough.
So if you are currently in a relationship—romantic, familial, or otherwise—where you feel pressure to earn love, keep proving yourself, or stay silent to stay secure, that pressure is not from God. God’s love does not fluctuate. It does not withdraw. It does not require maintenance through performance.
Breaking the need to be picked is not about condemning yourself for what you did in survival. It is about compassion, awareness, and truth. It begins with one courageous question:
Who taught me that I had to be chosen in order to be worthy?
Because once you identify the source of that belief, it no longer gets to lead your life.
Healing begins when you understand this:
You were never auditioning because you lacked value.
You were auditioning because you did not yet know how deeply loved you already were.
You were never auditioning because you lacked value.
You were auditioning because you did not yet know how deeply loved you already were.
And this month, that belief is being dismantled.
You are learning how to stop performing and start resting.
How to stop striving and start standing.
How to break the need to be picked and live as a woman who knows she is already chosen.
How to stop striving and start standing.
How to break the need to be picked and live as a woman who knows she is already chosen.
And this—this is only Day 1.
February is known as the month of love. Everywhere you look, there are reminders to be chosen, desired, pursued, and validated. But while the world is focused on romantic love, I believe God is inviting many women into something deeper—freedom.
This February, I want to talk about something many women experience but rarely name: auditioning for love.
Most women don’t wake up thinking, I’m going to perform today so someone will love me. It happens quietly. Subtly. It hides behind words like patience, loyalty, understanding, and strength. But underneath those words is often a silent pressure to prove worth, to be chosen, to be kept.
That pressure does not come from God.
Auditioning for love is what happens when we begin to believe love must be earned instead of received. It shows up when we over-give while neglecting ourselves, stay silent about what hurts us, tolerate inconsistency, lower standards, or tie our value to whether someone stays or leaves. Many women don’t even recognize it because it feels normal—especially when self-esteem has been worn down, confidence has been shaken, or worth has been shaped by rejection or abandonment.
But here is the truth that changed everything for me—and can change everything for you:
You never had to audition for the love of Jesus Christ.
Scripture tells us in Romans 5:8 (NLT),
“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
Before you healed.
Before you had it together.
Before you proved anything.
Before you had it together.
Before you proved anything.
God chose you.
Jesus makes this even clearer in John 15:16 (NLT) when He says,
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you.”
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you.”
If Christ chose you first, then your worth was never dependent on being chosen by people. And yet, when we forget this truth, we place people in positions they were never meant to hold. Their approval begins to define us. Their rejection begins to break us.
This is where God calls us back.
Stop Auditioning for Love is not just a theme—it is a spiritual reset. It is about dismantling the belief that you must perform to be loved and rebuilding your life on the solid foundation of who you are in Christ.
Throughout this month, we will be doing deep, intentional work. We will talk honestly about rejection, people-pleasing, fear of being alone, and the emotional patterns that cause women to over-function in relationships. We will explore how self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence are restored when they are rooted in Christ—not attention, not validation, not relationships.
You will learn how to recognize when you are auditioning and how to stop. You will learn how to receive the love of Jesus Christ—the love that does not fluctuate, does not withdraw, and never required you to prove yourself worthy.
For the first time ever, I will also be hosting a live Question & Answers session, where we will have real conversations, address real struggles, and grow together in truth and grace.
This month is about stepping out of performance and into peace.
Out of striving and into security.
Out of auditioning and into identity.
Out of striving and into security.
Out of auditioning and into identity.
You do not audition for grace.
You do not perform for mercy.
You do not earn unconditional love.
You do not perform for mercy.
You do not earn unconditional love.
You receive it.
And once you truly understand that, everything changes.
— Dashonia Marie
Scripture Focus (NIV)
Proverbs 3:5–6
Proverbs 3:5–6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.”
Devotional
Resilient Woman,
today’s Scripture meets us in a place most people don’t like to talk about—the space between promise and proof.
today’s Scripture meets us in a place most people don’t like to talk about—the space between promise and proof.
Proverbs 3:5–6 does not tell us when God will make the path straight.
It does not tell us how.
It does not tell us what the road will look like while we’re walking it.
It does not tell us how.
It does not tell us what the road will look like while we’re walking it.
It only gives us one instruction… and one promise.
Trust God.
And He will make the path straight.
And He will make the path straight.
That’s uncomfortable—especially at the beginning of a new year.
Because many of us stepped into 2026 without clarity.
Without answers.
Without everything lining up the way we hoped.
Without answers.
Without everything lining up the way we hoped.
Some of us stepped into this year carrying loss.
Some of us stepped in after disappointment, relapse cycles, financial strain, broken relationships, unanswered prayers, or plans that didn’t work out the way we believed they would.
Some of us stepped in after disappointment, relapse cycles, financial strain, broken relationships, unanswered prayers, or plans that didn’t work out the way we believed they would.
And yet here comes God—not offering a detailed explanation—but asking for something deeper:
Trust Me. With all your heart.
What This Scripture Is Really Saying
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart” does not mean blind optimism.
It does not mean ignoring pain.
It does not mean pretending everything is okay.
It does not mean ignoring pain.
It does not mean pretending everything is okay.
It means choosing God as your anchor when understanding fails you.
Because let’s be honest—there are seasons where:
- logic won’t comfort you
- understanding won’t heal you
- answers won’t come
- and clarity feels delayed
This is where New Year, Same God becomes real.
Trusting God with all your heart means:
- trusting Him when you are down to nothing
- trusting Him when hope feels thin
- trusting Him when the future feels uncertain
- trusting Him when you don’t recognize your own life anymore
It means saying:
“God, I don’t understand this—but I still choose You.”
“God, I don’t understand this—but I still choose You.”
Lean Not on Your Own Understanding
This part of the scripture is hard—especially for strong women.
Because many of us learned to survive by understanding everything, controlling what we could, staying alert, staying guarded, staying prepared.
But Proverbs is telling us something countercultural:
Your understanding is not your savior.
Your plans didn’t save you last year.
Your strength didn’t carry you through your darkest nights.
Your logic didn’t heal what broke you.
Your strength didn’t carry you through your darkest nights.
Your logic didn’t heal what broke you.
God did.
Leaning on your own understanding will always keep you anxious—because you were never meant to carry the weight of certainty.
He Will Make Your Paths Straight
Notice what God promises—and what He does not promise.
He does not promise ease.
He does not promise speed.
He does not promise explanation.
He does not promise speed.
He does not promise explanation.
He promises direction.
A straight path does not mean a painless path.
It means a guided one.
It means a guided one.
It means even when the road feels unfamiliar, crooked, or delayed—God is still ordering your steps.
And for the woman of Becoming Her, this matters deeply.
Because becoming is uncomfortable. Growth is unclear. Transformation is rarely linear.
Because becoming is uncomfortable. Growth is unclear. Transformation is rarely linear.
For the woman of Encouraging Her Resilience, this truth is life-giving.
Because recovery, healing, and rebuilding require trusting God one step at a time—even when you can’t see past today.
Because recovery, healing, and rebuilding require trusting God one step at a time—even when you can’t see past today.
Why This Matters in January
A fresh start does not mean clarity comes immediately.
It means obedience begins immediately.
It means obedience begins immediately.
New Year, Same God means:
- You don’t need to see the whole path to take the next step.
- You don’t need all the answers to trust the One who does.
- You don’t need certainty to be covered.
This year will not be built on understanding.
It will be built on trust.
It will be built on trust.
Mini Lesson: What Trusting God Really Looks Like
Trusting God looks like:
- praying even when you feel discouraged
- obeying even when it doesn’t make sense
- resting when your instinct is to worry
- choosing faith when fear feels louder
- continuing forward when hope feels fragile
Trust is not passive.
Trust is active surrender.
Trust is active surrender.
Reflection Questions (Sit With These Honestly)
- Where am I struggling to trust God because I want answers first?
- What part of my life feels uncertain right now?
- How would my peace change if I trusted God one step at a time instead of all at once?
- What does “trusting God with all my heart” look like for me today—not ideally, but realistically?
Declaration (Speak This Aloud)
I trust the Lord with all my heart.
I release my need to understand everything.
I submit my ways to God.
And I believe He is making my path straight—
even when I cannot see it yet.
I release my need to understand everything.
I submit my ways to God.
And I believe He is making my path straight—
even when I cannot see it yet.
This is my fresh start.
Same God.
New trust.
Same God.
New trust.
Transformation Tuesday with Dashonia Marie — January 6, 2026
Let Christ Take Over Your Thoughts
Beautiful woman… today we’re going straight to the heart of it.
Real transformation does not happen by positive thinking alone.
It does not happen by motivation, discipline, or trying to “do better.”
It does not happen by motivation, discipline, or trying to “do better.”
Real transformation happens when Christ takes over the way you think.
Many women want Christ to change their situation, their relationships, their emotions, and their outcomes — but hesitate when it comes to letting Him change their thoughts. And yet, your thought life is where most battles are won or lost.
Because what occupies your mind eventually directs your life.
If fear dominates your thoughts, fear will lead your decisions.
If shame dominates your thoughts, shame will shape your identity.
If control dominates your thoughts, peace will always feel out of reach.
If shame dominates your thoughts, shame will shape your identity.
If control dominates your thoughts, peace will always feel out of reach.
But when Christ captivates your thoughts, everything begins to shift.
This is where true renewal happens — not at the surface, but at the source.
Letting Christ change the way you think means you stop letting old voices, past wounds, trauma, rejection, and survival instincts have the final say. It means you allow the voice of truth to become louder than the noise in your mind.
And let me be honest with you — this is not automatic.
It is intentional.
It is daily.
It is surrendered.
It is intentional.
It is daily.
It is surrendered.
Transformation begins when Christ becomes Lord over your thought life.
Not just Savior of your soul — but Leader of your mind.
That means:
- inviting Him into anxious thoughts instead of hiding them
- submitting fearful thinking instead of just managing it
- letting Him challenge the lies you’ve lived with
- allowing Him to redefine how you see yourself
- trusting His truth over your emotions
Many women say, “I trust God,” but still let anxiety, overthinking, and fear make the decisions. And Christ isn’t asking to just visit your thoughts — He wants to rule them.
When Christ captivates your mind:
- you stop replaying the past
- you stop rehearsing worst-case scenarios
- you stop living from old labels
- you stop letting offense and pain control you
- you start thinking with clarity, truth, and peace
This is why behavior changes naturally when your mind is renewed by Him.
You don’t have to force growth — it flows from alignment.
You don’t have to force growth — it flows from alignment.
Let me share this with you transparently…
There were seasons where I loved Jesus, served Him, and believed in Him — yet my mind was still controlled by fear, trauma, and self-doubt. And I had to learn that loving Christ does not automatically mean surrendering my thoughts to Christ.
That was a choice I had to make — over and over again.
And beautiful woman, I want you to know this:
Christ does not shame you for your thoughts — He transforms them.
He does not condemn your struggle — He meets you in it.
He does not rush the process — He walks with you through it.
He does not condemn your struggle — He meets you in it.
He does not rush the process — He walks with you through it.
So today, on Transformation Tuesday, I want you to pause and ask yourself:
- What thoughts have I been allowing that Christ is asking to change?
- Where am I thinking from fear instead of faith?
- What would my life look like if Christ truly led my thinking?
Because when Christ changes your mind, He changes your direction.
When Christ captivates your thoughts, He brings peace to your soul.
And when Christ leads your mind, your life begins to reflect His truth.
When Christ captivates your thoughts, He brings peace to your soul.
And when Christ leads your mind, your life begins to reflect His truth.
This year, don’t just ask God to bless your plans.
Invite Christ to renew your mind.
Invite Christ to renew your mind.
Because that is where real transformation begins.
— Dashonia Marie
