Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for stepmothers. Although you may feel like you are doing mothering work, you are often not recognized as a mom. You may care like a mom, too, but no one seems to see it, or care. In today’s podcast episode, I talk about ways to get through this sentimental holiday.
First of all, I suggest that you make a plan for this day. Don’t let yourself end up alone, depressed, with nothing to do but feel bad for your situation. Decided what you would like to do on this day. You may want to go with another stepmom or a single friend with no children. You may wish to be alone, too. If you do, though, choose an activity for yourself that makes you feel grounded, and reminded of who you are before being a stepmother became your focus.
Another way to turn your Mother’s Day around is to put time and effort into truly remembering your own mother. You are a daughter — take the time to remember your mom! If it’s possible, visit her. If it’s not, take time to call and send a present. If your mom is no longer with you, take time honour her in some way. Journal about why you miss her. Or take part in an activity that the two of you shared.
A third way to make Mother’s Day easier is to understand the main reason that stepchildren do not acknowledge their stepmom on Mother’s Day. It is because of loyalty binds. Acknowledging you on this special day may feel like they are betraying their biological mom. Even worse, their mother may explicitly tell them not to like you, never mind give you flowers on Mother’s Day. I wrote more about this issue on last year’s Mother’s Day blog.
Another thing to consider on this holiday is asking your husband to do something to honour you: maybe a dinner or flowers. This might feel strange but learning to communicate more directly can sometimes be helpful. Of course, this suggestion will depend on your comfort level and the dynamic of your individual relationship.
Finally, try to remember that kids just generally are not grateful. As a grade six teacher, I had tell my students to say “thank you” because they rarely said it on their own. This is not uncommon. Children have to be taught gratefulness — it doesn’t come naturally — and they are also ungrateful to their own parents. Even if you were their biological mother, there’s a good chance you would also feel unappreciated and unnoticed.
Another way to turn your Mother’s Day around is to put time and effort into truly remembering your own mother. You are a daughter — take the time to remember your mom! If it’s possible, visit her. If it’s not, take time to call and send a present. If your mom is no longer with you, take time honour her in some way. Journal about why you miss her. Or take part in an activity that the two of you shared.
A third way to make Mother’s Day easier is to understand the main reason that stepchildren do not acknowledge their stepmom on Mother’s Day. It is because of loyalty binds. Acknowledging you on this special day may feel like they are betraying their biological mom. Even worse, their mother may explicitly tell them not to like you, never mind give you flowers on Mother’s Day. I wrote more about this issue on last year’s Mother’s Day blog.
Another thing to consider on this holiday is asking your husband to do something to honour you: maybe a dinner or flowers. This might feel strange but learning to communicate more directly can sometimes be helpful. Of course, this suggestion will depend on your comfort level and the dynamic of your individual relationship.
Finally, try to remember that kids just generally are not grateful. As a grade six teacher, I had tell my students to say “thank you” because they rarely said it on their own. This is not uncommon. Children have to be taught gratefulness — it doesn’t come naturally — and they are also ungrateful to their own parents. Even if you were their biological mother, there’s a good chance you would also feel unappreciated and unnoticed.
LISTEN HERE
In this week’s Marriage Media Episode, I recommend the podcast, Stepmom Club. I love the host’s humilty and honesty.
In the Scripture reading, I read Psalm 25:1-2:
Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
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