No matter what you do—whether you're building a business, advancing your career, or managing a household—you want to show up as your best self. You strive for excellence, aiming to improve and optimize your actions.

But to truly grow, you must first understand your shadow self—the insecurities, limiting beliefs, and inner stories that hold you back. These unseen barriers can lead to hesitation, self-sabotage, or playing small. Left unchecked, they will get in your way.

Just as recognizing your strengths is crucial, so is integrating and accepting your shadow. Without this self-awareness, you’ll struggle to improve performance, progress in your career, or become a strong leader.

Mapping Your Shadow

Developing self-awareness requires deep reflection. One powerful approach is creating a Shadow Map using the GRAIL framework to identify limiting beliefs and behaviors. Set aside an hour, write them down, and observe the patterns. The more familiar you are with your shadow, the easier it becomes to recognize when it’s influencing your actions versus when your higher self is leading.

Keep a running journal for reflection. Self-reflection is essential for leadership. You need to look inward to assess your actions, behaviors, and impact.


Most of these are pretty self explanatory but what do I mean by a gremlin? Often our shadow self can take over and run our lives off course in different areas of our lives. I often encourage my clients to give their "shadow self" a name, using a character that means something to them which allows them to create a little distance between their true essence and their limitations. It allows you to be the observer of your shadow self. This technique is known as "self-distancing." By stepping back from ourselves, we can acknowledge our challenges without letting them control us. Psychologists use this method to help us gain perspective and take more productive actions. So if you were to identify your shadow self, what would the shape of it be? What would you name it? Below I have listed some inner critics & imposters that you can think about.

Types of Inner Critics

  1. The Perfectionist – Sets impossibly high standards and makes you feel like nothing is ever good enough.
  2. The Taskmaster – Pushes you to work harder and never rest, making you feel lazy if you slow down.
  3. The Underminer – Undermines your confidence, warning you that success will make others resent you.
  4. The Guilt-Tripper – Reminds you of past mistakes and makes you feel unworthy.
  5. The Destroyer – Attacks your self-worth and makes you feel fundamentally flawed.
  6. The Inner Controller – Criticizes your habits and impulses, making you feel out of control.
  7. The Comparison Judge – Constantly compares you to others, making you feel like you’re falling behind.
  8. The Doubter – Questions your skills and decisions, making you second-guess everything.

Types of ImposterS

  1. The Perfectionist – Believes success only counts if everything is flawless, leading to chronic self-doubt.
  2. The Expert – Feels like a fraud unless they know everything about a subject, avoiding risks or new challenges.
  3. The Soloist – Struggles to ask for help, fearing it will expose their incompetence.
  4. The Natural Genius – Feels like an imposter if things don’t come easily or require effort.
  5. The Superhero – Overworks and over commits to prove their worth, fearing they are secretly inadequate.
That said, managing self-awareness is key. If you focus too much on your shortcomings, self-reflection can turn into insecurity, imposter syndrome, or even paralysis. Growth isn’t about making yourself wrong for being human—it’s about learning to navigate your mind with intention.

As a product leadership coach, I’ve seen many early-career PMs become consumed by their perceived shortcomings. This self-doubt kept them from taking risks and moving forward. Especially when starting out, it’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of self-criticism. But you can break free by reframing your thoughts and choosing more empowering perspectives.

Here are four strategies to combat self-doubt and build confidence:

1. Choose a Powerful Way of Being

Before speaking at an event, I stand in front of a mirror and strike a power pose, embodying confidence and charisma. This practice allows me to consciously step into a chosen way of being—whether that’s a leader, an expert, or a fearless communicator.
Many of us focus on our limitations because we’ve been conditioned to. One helpful technique is self-distancing—giving your shadow self a name. This creates separation between your true essence and the limiting beliefs that hold you back.
Think of a character—real or fictional—that embodies qualities you need. Before your next meeting, visualize how they would act. Step into that energy and let it guide you. Try it and see how it shifts your presence.

2. See Yourself Through the Eyes of Others

Years ago, I took a personal transformation course that required me to interview people about how they saw me. It was uncomfortable, but the responses were eye-opening. People viewed me far more positively than I saw myself.
To combat self-doubt, try this: ask colleagues, mentors, or close friends for feedback on your strengths. Or simply take a moment to imagine how someone who admires you sees you. This shift in perspective can disrupt negative self-talk and build confidence.

3. Tune Out Uninformed Feedback

Constructive feedback is invaluable—always seek it out. But not all feedback is useful. If you’re in a leadership role or a visible position, you’ll encounter opinions that are unhelpful or misinformed.
When receiving feedback, ask yourself:
  • Is this a recurring theme or a one-off comment?
  • Does it offer an opportunity for growth, or does it shut me down?
  • Is this coming from someone I respect and trust?
Remember, feedback is just an opinion. Acknowledge it, filter it, and apply only what serves your growth. Never personalize it.

4. Reframe Your Self-Talk

Your thoughts shape your reality. Most of us have an inner dialogue that’s unconsciously negative, reinforcing self-doubt and keeping us stuck.
The good news? You can rewrite the script. When negative self-talk arises, pause and challenge it:
  • Would I say this to a friend?
  • Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?
  • What’s a more empowering way to view this situation?
Shifting your internal dialogue is a game-changer. Instead of “I’m not good enough,” try “I’m learning and improving every day.” With practice, you’ll train your mind to support your success rather than sabotage it.

Final Thoughts

Everyone experiences self-doubt. Ironically, the most competent and self-aware people are often the ones most affected by it. But remember: these doubts exist only in your mind—and you have the power to shift them.

By choosing empowering perspectives, gaining outside perspective, filtering feedback, and mastering your self-talk, you’ll stop second-guessing yourself and start taking bold, decisive action.

The world needs your best self. Are you ready to step into it?


 
 
 

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