February 13, 2026
Beautiful woman,
I’m not writing this from theory.
I’m writing this from experience.
There was a version of me I had to forgive.
Not the people who hurt me.
Not the systems that failed me.
Not the betrayal.
Not the abandonment.
Not the systems that failed me.
Not the betrayal.
Not the abandonment.
Me.
And let me tell you something honest — forgiving myself was harder than forgiving anybody else.
The Truth I Didn’t Want to Admit
There were seasons I loved God…
but I did not like myself.
but I did not like myself.
I knew scripture.
I could pray heaven down.
I could encourage other women.
I could pray heaven down.
I could encourage other women.
But privately?
I replayed my mistakes.
I questioned my judgment.
I judged myself harder than anyone ever did.
I was bitter at the version of me that:
- Stayed too long.
- Trusted the wrong people.
- Ignored red flags.
- Went back after God already delivered me.
- Self-sabotaged opportunities.
- Knew better… and still chose wrong.
That kind of bitterness doesn’t shout.
It whispers.
It says:
“You should have known better.”
“You ruined that.”
“You don’t deserve better.”
“You’re still that woman.”
“You should have known better.”
“You ruined that.”
“You don’t deserve better.”
“You’re still that woman.”
And some of you reading this know exactly what I’m talking about.
Why Forgiving Ourselves Is So Hard
Because self-forgiveness requires brutal honesty.
It requires you to say:
Yes, I did that.
Yes, I chose that.
Yes, I participated in my own pain.
Yes, I ignored God when He warned me.
Yes, I did that.
Yes, I chose that.
Yes, I participated in my own pain.
Yes, I ignored God when He warned me.
And accountability feels like humiliation before it feels like freedom.
But here’s what I had to learn:
Holding onto guilt does not make you holy.
Beating yourself up does not make you mature.
Punishing yourself does not prove you’ve changed.
Beating yourself up does not make you mature.
Punishing yourself does not prove you’ve changed.
It just keeps you stuck.
Romans 8:1 (NIV) says:
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
No condemnation.
Not from God.
So why was I condemning myself?
What Self-Bitterness Actually Looks Like
Let’s take the mask off.
When you haven’t forgiven yourself:
You sabotage good opportunities because you think you’ll mess it up again.
You settle because you don’t believe you deserve better.
You overwork in ministry to prove you’ve changed.
You shrink in rooms because shame still whispers.
You don’t fully celebrate your growth because you still remember your fall.
You settle because you don’t believe you deserve better.
You overwork in ministry to prove you’ve changed.
You shrink in rooms because shame still whispers.
You don’t fully celebrate your growth because you still remember your fall.
I lived there.
I smiled publicly and punished myself privately.
That’s not humility.
That’s self-rejection.
The Spiritual Root of It
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV) says:
“If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
“If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
The old has gone.
But some of us keep resurrecting her.
We keep identifying with the addicted version.
The broken version.
The desperate version.
The traumatized version.
The broken version.
The desperate version.
The traumatized version.
We say we believe in redemption —
but we don’t apply it to ourselves.
but we don’t apply it to ourselves.
And that is where faith gets tested.
Because forgiving yourself requires you to believe that God’s grace is actually stronger than your worst decision.
What I Had to Confront
I had to confront that I was holding myself hostage.
I wanted to lead women.
I wanted to build Encouraging Her Resilience.
I wanted to walk boldly in purpose.
I wanted to build Encouraging Her Resilience.
I wanted to walk boldly in purpose.
But I was still dragging shame behind me.
And God had to show me something:
“You cannot preach grace and refuse to receive it.”
That hit me.
Forgiving myself didn’t mean excusing what I did.
It meant:
Owning it.
Learning from it.
Letting God transform it.
And then releasing it.
Owning it.
Learning from it.
Letting God transform it.
And then releasing it.
Not revisiting it every time I felt insecure.
Not rehearsing it when something new scared me.
Releasing it.
Woman of Encouraging Her Resilience
Some of you are trying to heal while secretly resenting yourself.
You’re trying to grow while still ashamed of who you used to be.
You’re building businesses.
Going to therapy.
Reading your Bible.
Serving in ministry.
Going to therapy.
Reading your Bible.
Serving in ministry.
But internally you still say,
“If they really knew…”
“If they really knew…”
Beautiful woman, listen to me clearly:
You are not the relapse.
You are not the divorce.
You are not the bad decision.
You are not the years lost.
You are not the season of survival.
You are not the divorce.
You are not the bad decision.
You are not the years lost.
You are not the season of survival.
You were a woman coping with what you had.
Now you are a woman becoming who God called you to be.
That is growth.
That is maturity.
That is resilience.
The Hard Truth
You cannot build your future while secretly hating your past self.
You cannot step into new territory while still punishing old behavior.
You cannot fully receive God’s love while rejecting yourself.
Forgiveness Friday is not just about releasing others.
It’s about releasing the version of you that did the best she could with the wounds she had.
And I say this as a woman who had to learn it the hard way:
Grace is not just something we teach.
It is something we receive.
And if God has forgiven you…
It is time you forgive you.
Completely.
— Dashonia Marie
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