The Battle That Changed My Life Wasn’t External — It Was Internal
February 16, 2026
Beautiful woman,
Let me speak plainly today.
There was a season in my life where I kept asking God to remove obstacles.
Remove the opposition.
Remove the warfare.
Remove the people.
Remove the pressure.
Remove the warfare.
Remove the people.
Remove the pressure.
And slowly, gently, the Holy Spirit began to show me something I didn’t want to see.
Some of the resistance in my life wasn’t coming from outside of me.
It was coming from within me.
That was hard to swallow.
Because it is easier to fight an external enemy than to confront internal resistance.
What “Me vs. Me” Really Is
Me vs. Me is the tension between the woman I am becoming and the woman I have been comfortable being.
It is the war between growth and familiarity.
It is the gap between revelation and obedience.
It is the space where you know better… but haven’t fully done better yet.
And that space can keep you stuck longer than any attack ever could.
The Spiritual Reality
Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) reminds us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood.
But Scripture also teaches something equally important.
Galatians 5:17 (NIV) says:
“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh.”
“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh.”
There is a real internal battle.
Your spirit wants discipline.
Your flesh wants comfort.
Your flesh wants comfort.
Your spirit wants boundaries.
Your flesh wants familiarity.
Your flesh wants familiarity.
Your spirit wants obedience.
Your flesh wants what feels good right now.
Your flesh wants what feels good right now.
And if you don’t learn to recognize that tension, you will call internal immaturity external warfare.
Not everything that feels uncomfortable is the enemy.
Sometimes it is refinement.
The Mental Health Component
We also need to be honest about the psychological side of this.
Some patterns are not spiritual attacks.
They are trauma responses.
Overthinking.
People-pleasing.
Avoidance.
Emotional reactivity.
Self-sabotage.
People-pleasing.
Avoidance.
Emotional reactivity.
Self-sabotage.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) says:
“We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
“We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
That means your thoughts require discipline.
If you constantly rehearse fear, your body will live in anxiety.
If you constantly narrate your life through defeat, your decisions will reflect insecurity.
You cannot build a renewed life with an unexamined mind.
Romans 12:2 (NIV) says:
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Transformation is mental before it is visible.
My Personal Reckoning
There was a moment in my walk with Christ where I had to ask myself a sobering question:
Am I truly under attack…
or am I resisting accountability?
or am I resisting accountability?
I had prayed for healing.
But I resisted therapy.
I prayed for stability.
But I entertained instability.
I prayed for discipline.
But I avoided structure.
I wanted elevation without surrender.
That wasn’t the enemy blocking me.
That was me not aligning fully with what I prayed for.
And once I saw that, I stopped feeling attacked and started taking responsibility.
And responsibility is power.
Why Accountability Feels So Difficult
Accountability feels threatening because it removes excuses.
When you acknowledge:
“I stayed too long.”
“I ignored the warning.”
“I overreacted.”
“I avoided the hard work.”
“I chose comfort over calling.”
“I stayed too long.”
“I ignored the warning.”
“I overreacted.”
“I avoided the hard work.”
“I chose comfort over calling.”
You can no longer blame everything outside of you.
But here is the truth:
Accountability is not self-condemnation.
It is self-leadership.
Psalm 139:23–24 (NIV) says:
“Search me, God, and know my heart… See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
“Search me, God, and know my heart… See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
That prayer requires courage.
It requires humility.
It requires maturity.
It says, “God, refine me — even if it’s uncomfortable.”
The Shift
The day I stopped asking,
“Why does this keep happening to me?”
“Why does this keep happening to me?”
and started asking,
“Where am I participating in this?”
“Where am I participating in this?”
was the day growth accelerated.
Because if I am part of the pattern,
I can also be part of the breakthrough.
I can also be part of the breakthrough.
If I am contributing to the delay,
I can choose differently.
I can choose differently.
That is not shame.
That is empowerment.
Woman of Encouraging Her Resilience
You are not weak.
You are not incapable.
You are not abandoned.
But you may be in a season where God is not fighting your battles for you — He is strengthening you to fight yourself.
Not to destroy yourself.
But to discipline yourself.
Not to shame you.
But to mature you.
The greatest breakthroughs in my life did not come when my enemies disappeared.
They came when my internal resistance did.
Me vs. Me is not a fight you lose.
It is a refinement you walk through.
And when you allow God to align your mind, your emotions, and your spirit…
There is nothing outside of you that can stop what He is building within you.
— Dashonia Marie
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