When Forgiveness Lives on Your Lips But Bitterness Still Lives in Your Spirit

Beautiful woman,

There is a kind of pain we carry that we don’t talk about—not because it doesn’t hurt, but because we’ve learned how to live around it.

It’s the hurt you rarely name.
The resentment you tuck away and call “strength.”
The anger you quiet because you don’t want to seem bitter.
The disappointment you never processed because you had to keep going.

And somewhere along the way, you told yourself, “I forgave them.”

But if we’re being honest—
many of us forgave with our words, while our hearts, minds, and spirits kept carrying the weight.

Today, I want to talk about that.

Not surface forgiveness.
Not spiritual talk.
But the unforgiveness we’ve learned to survive with.

THE HURT WE CARRY DAILY BUT RARELY ADMIT

Many women wake up every day carrying emotional residue from things they say they’re “over.”

You may not cry about it anymore.
You may not talk about it anymore.
You may not even think about it consciously.

But your body remembers.
Your reactions remember.
Your boundaries remember.
Your spirit remembers.

Unforgiveness doesn’t always show up as rage.
Often, it shows up as guardedness, numbness, distrust, control, or emotional distance.

And we normalize it because it feels safer than opening old wounds.

FOCUS SCRIPTURE

Luke 6:45 (NLT)

“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.”

This Scripture tells us something sobering and freeing at the same time:

Your heart holds a treasury.

Whatever lives there—healed or unhealed—will eventually shape how you speak, respond, love, and live.

Unforgiveness doesn’t stay hidden.
It leaks.

WHEN FORGIVENESS STAYS IN THE MOUTH BUT NEVER REACHES THE HEART

Let me say this gently, but truthfully.

You can say you forgive and still:

Feel irritation rise unexpectedly

Avoid people who remind you of the pain

Rehearse the offense in quiet moments

Struggle to trust even safe people

Carry resentment you justify as wisdom

That doesn’t mean you’re dishonest.
It means forgiveness never reached the root.

Forgiveness spoken is often an act of obedience.
Forgiveness rooted is an act of healing.

UNFORGIVENESS IN THE MIND

Unforgiveness in the mind shows up as constant remembering.

The mind replays what the heart never released.

You revisit conversations.
You imagine accountability.
You replay what should have happened.

Not because you enjoy it—but because your mind is trying to protect you from being hurt again.

But protection without healing becomes a prison.

UNFORGIVENESS IN THE SPIRIT

This is the part most women don’t realize.

Unforgiveness in the spirit creates distance—from others and from God.

Prayer feels guarded.
Worship feels restrained.
Trust feels risky.
Joy feels inconsistent.

Not because God left—but because unforgiveness hardens places meant to stay soft.

Psalm 66:18 (NLT) says:

“If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.”

Unforgiveness isn’t always loud sin—it’s quiet resistance to healing.

WHY WE HOLD ON

We hold on because:

Letting go feels unsafe

Anger feels protective

Forgiveness feels like minimizing the pain

Releasing feels like losing control

But unforgiveness does not protect you—it keeps you tied to the moment that wounded you.

You don’t move forward when you forgive with words alone.
You move forward when your heart is finally free.

WHAT TRUE FORGIVENESS ACTUALLY REQUIRES

True forgiveness requires:

Honesty about what hurt

Permission to grieve

Courage to feel what you avoided

Trusting God with justice

Allowing your heart to soften again

Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Forgiveness is releasing yourself from the burden of carrying the offense.

A MOMENT OF REFLECTION

Ask yourself, without judgment:

What emotion still rises when I think about this?
What part of me still feels guarded?
What resentment have I learned to live with?

That is not shame.
That is revelation.

And revelation is the doorway to healing.

A PRAYER FROM MY HEART

“God, I bring You the hurt I learned to survive with.
The unforgiveness I minimized.
The resentment I carried quietly.
Heal my heart where forgiveness never fully reached.
I release what I can no longer carry.
Restore my heart, my mind, and my spirit.
In Jesus’ name, amen.”

FROM ME TO YOU — DASHONIA MARIE

Beautiful woman,

Unforgiveness doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you were hurt and never given space to heal fully.

But God is not asking you to carry this any longer.

You deserve a heart that feels light again.
You deserve a spirit that feels free.
You deserve healing that reaches deeper than words.

And today, God is inviting you to lay it down.

You don’t have to rush it.
You don’t have to force it.
You just have to let Him meet you there.

With love,
Dashonia Marie