Hi everyone! A belated Happy Father’s Day to you! Today, I wanted to continue with some quick stepparenting tips, all adapted from my book, 16 Gifts From a Stepmother: Encouragement for the Blended Family Journey.
Over twenty years ago, while I was teaching on a First Nations community in Alberta, Canada, I had the pleasure of hosting a woman from England named Vera. She had always dreamt of working on a First Nations Community in Canada. She had read about Canada and imagined our wide open spaces.
Well, her dream came true when a friend of a friend invited her to meet the people of Siksika First Nation, where I was teaching grade two at the time. Vera had worked with kids her whole life, both as a teacher’s aide and as a foster mother. She loved to talk and shared many stories with me of her foster mothering days. One of the things she shared with me never left me, and I want to share it with you today.
She told me that she always gave great honour to the biological parents of the foster children she took in, and never allowed herself to forget that they already had parents. She explained that this was sometimes very challenging to do. It was hard not to get attached and start thinking of the kids as hers. It was hard to maintain respect for parents whose issues had led to them losing their children in the first place. But, she told me, she never wavered in her determination to keep the proper boundaries and not go over the line of being a foster parent and into thinking of those kids as “hers.”
Well, her dream came true when a friend of a friend invited her to meet the people of Siksika First Nation, where I was teaching grade two at the time. Vera had worked with kids her whole life, both as a teacher’s aide and as a foster mother. She loved to talk and shared many stories with me of her foster mothering days. One of the things she shared with me never left me, and I want to share it with you today.
She told me that she always gave great honour to the biological parents of the foster children she took in, and never allowed herself to forget that they already had parents. She explained that this was sometimes very challenging to do. It was hard not to get attached and start thinking of the kids as hers. It was hard to maintain respect for parents whose issues had led to them losing their children in the first place. But, she told me, she never wavered in her determination to keep the proper boundaries and not go over the line of being a foster parent and into thinking of those kids as “hers.”
Honour the Biological Parents
I think of her today when it comes to our role as stepparents and what we can learn from Vera’s wisdom. As stepparents, we need to honour the children’s biological parents the best we can. This means supporting our partner in spending time alone with their kids, without us, at times. This also means never speaking poorly of the parent from the other household, if applicable. Honouring our stepkid’s parents signals that we are not there to compete but rather we are there to add support. We are not there to take them away from time with their Dad or their Mom. Instead, we are there to help strengthen those relationships.
Father’s Day just passed us and we were all reminded of the importance of fathers. For those of us married to divorced or widowed fathers, we can be a support in encouraging him to spend time with his children. Some of that time needs to be alone with them. Kids need to know that their “Daddy Time,” will still happen, even after a remarriage.
Honouring the other household can be a difficult road to follow but it is the right thing to do. Let’s remember that we all identify with our parents. Any harsh words spoken about our parents, we direct at ourselves, because we are a part of them. Children even more deeply identify with their parents and that is why it’s critical to always speak respectfully of their parents.
Go here to check out the first in this series of Stepparent Tips: Stepparent Tip #1: Do Something Fun!
Pick up the free mini-ebook here, Four Gifts Your Stepchild Needs From You.
Get my book for stepmoms on Amazon: 16 Gifts From a Stepmom: Encouragement for the Blended Family Journey.
Father’s Day just passed us and we were all reminded of the importance of fathers. For those of us married to divorced or widowed fathers, we can be a support in encouraging him to spend time with his children. Some of that time needs to be alone with them. Kids need to know that their “Daddy Time,” will still happen, even after a remarriage.
Honouring the other household can be a difficult road to follow but it is the right thing to do. Let’s remember that we all identify with our parents. Any harsh words spoken about our parents, we direct at ourselves, because we are a part of them. Children even more deeply identify with their parents and that is why it’s critical to always speak respectfully of their parents.
Go here to check out the first in this series of Stepparent Tips: Stepparent Tip #1: Do Something Fun!
Pick up the free mini-ebook here, Four Gifts Your Stepchild Needs From You.
Get my book for stepmoms on Amazon: 16 Gifts From a Stepmom: Encouragement for the Blended Family Journey.
Coaching Services
To end, I wanted to share that I am now offering coaching services! I am so excited to be able to help people in second marriages and blended families navigate the challenges. Please keep me in mind if you or someone you know would like to have a caring person in your corner as you sort through the issues and come up with strategies for getting along and adjusting.
If you would like to know more about me and my background, check out my Coaching Page.
If you would like to know more about me and my background, check out my Coaching Page.
For specifics on my packages and rates, check out the Coaching Packages Page
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